From My Perspective....

2009-10-15T01:39:00.001-04:00

a blog I wrote November 2008 after meeting my childhood idols November 19 2008 in Calgary Alberta

ok many of you have been waiting very patiently for this blog but when something so big and wonderful happens it is often very hard to figure out the right words to use to describe it. You know in the weeks leading up to our trip to calgary I dreamt about things like kissing Donnie and hanging out with the band on the bus but who knew that dreams really do come true!Ok let me start from the day of the show now. Tabitha and I woke up to my cell phone alarm which was set to my ring tone Full Service of course! We got up, had coffee and began to get ready. when we were looking as hot as we thought possible and let me tell you we were damn hot! Tabitha began video recording us as we went through our check list of what to take for the day. I was super excited and said I got my mind right donnie and see these lips I got my lips right too and they are coming for you! The excitment in our room was electric as we got our coats on and headed down to take the train to the saddle dome. We were to meet some other gals from our JordanGate thread on the forum for 11am. We got there first and waited and then this beautiful girl says hey you are beth and there was Holly! Ami and Jess had some directional issues and got there later but Tab, holly and I had lunch in our most excellent home made shirts! After the others arrived we thought we might go take a peek at the saddle dome to see if the busses were there. As we approached I heard Tabitha gasp! There were all the busses all lined up! We stood and watched the dancers come to and from the bus to the stadium. A brown van pulled in and a blond woman with a baby got out and I said maybe that is joes wife. No sooner did I say that then around the front of the van comes Joey walking behind with the baby car seat. No one yelled just then out of respect for his wife and son but when he came back out Holly yelled HI JOE and he smiled and waved. I got to back it up a little here to say that I had forgotten to bring any mittens with me but I did bring extra socks in case my feet got cold so I had put them on my freezing hands. It was not until after joe went in that I realized I waved at Joe with socks on my hands lol. Any way Jordan came out of his bus next and that time I yelled JORDAN and he waved and yelled ou hi and I said COME OVER! He rubbed his hands together and said it was too cold. He was very nice though! Jon came out of the bus to have a smoke but being the shy guy that he is he was not out long and stayed hidden as much as he could. At this point I had to go to the washroom so we walked over to the building with the washroom when I get a text from amy saying come now. we started to head back when she texted me DONNIE AND DANNY!. I did not know I could run as fast as I did it was like I had a fire at my butt lol. I got there and they were gone I was so sad but not even 3 min later donnie and danny came out again. We yelled DONNIE!! He turned around and SPRINTED up the snowy hill to the fence where we were. He held my hand through the fence and said to all of us how long have you been out here? We told him a long time, it had been a couple hours at least. He said "It's fucking cold out here" and then let go of my hand and started counting us. Then quietly told us only the ones he counted and no more but that he was going to go get his assistant to bring us around to bring us onto his tour bus!! I thought I would die. so off he went and we waited and waited and nothing. Some people were saying oh he is not coming back for us but Ami and I kept saying Our man don't lie if he says he is coming for us he will. So all of a sudden he comes back out and sees us there and throws his hands up in the air and said "My assistant didn't come for you yet????? hold on 1 second"So Johnny comes to the fence to give us some instructions like don't rush any of the other guys if they come around you are donnies guests so respect the other guys. Only take pictures when you are told that it is ok and all that sort of thing and off we go in a big group all the while being recorded for nktv as we walk up the lot to the bus!Tab was in front of me the first to get on the bus I was second. Wow! I am on the baby daddy bus! It is warm and smells so good almost a mix between floral air freshner and cinnimon. Not sure if it was insence or a glade plug in but it was fantastic! Donnie was in the back bedroom on a business call for the first little while and we spoke to Johnny and he gave and offered us so many things like chips, water, pop, chocolate bars, kashi basically anything that you can think of. Very kind. There was a big tv built into the wall and the infamous stripper pole lol. then all of a sudden we hear the bedroom door click and Donnie's voice say AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! Anyway there was a lot of chit chat and a few pictures oh and on his way to the back for the face time pic he lost his footing with all of us in there and landed ON MY LAP!!!! Ok so I kinda pulled him a little too but it was so crowded he would not have realized that I pulled him down onto my lap ha ha ha ha!! Then it was time for us all to go in for 5*!I am going to skip over all the snacks and drinks and get right to my meet and greet! I walked in and was headed towards my Donnie and well I was so nervous and excited I was not really looking at anyones faces. I saw Jordan speaking to another girl and this guy stepped out in front of me. I was going to walk around so he sort of hesitated all of a sudden I realized and said out loud, OH! Joe!! give me a hug and as I hugged him I said I love you. That is what I said to all of them lol. Next I made my way to my man donnie! I was the only donnie girl in our group so I spent the majority of our time in his arms lol. I kinda absently recapped everything to him...I cam all the way from toronto....I know baby HUG I was on your bus.....I know girl HUG I love you can I have a kiss? He pulls back with me still in his arms and I turn my cheek and wait. No kiss? I turn my face to him and he has this drop dead sexy expression on his face almost a smirk and then it happens! He plants his soft lips right on mine! it was not a tight puckered kiss but just perfect! then we had 2 photos taken and they wanted us out so I had to rush my hugs to get danny jon and jordan in. Danny's hug was a little stiff but he was still nice and smiled. Then I said OH JON and turned he had his arms open for me and I just threw my arms around him told him I loved him and he said thanks. Then I had to get one from jordan but I did not hear what he said back to me because they kept telling us to get out for the next group to go in. When the groups were done Donnie stuck around to do a bunch of autographs and he signed the back of my pass. Then we had to collect our cell phones and cameras and get to our seats.I could not believe it. As we walked the floor to the 6th row (which was really 3rd) Tabitha and commented that we were now the girls we hate for having the best seats!!! The show was amazing and I cried between the meet and greet and the show I just could not fathum what was going on. Stuff like this never happens to me. The fact that no matter how silly other people may think I have been for dreaming about the new kids on the block or spending what they think to be too much money on this it really was a 20 year dream come true for me that no words or money will ever come close to how much it meant to me! I shared it with a wonderful long time friend and made new life long friends along the way and got to have face time with my beatles, my first loves, the ones I have been loving since I was 13 years old! This is something I will never ever forget and I will be pinching myself because I still have trouble believing that it happened!

2009-01-03T19:52:00.003-05:00

i have resolved to do a few things this year. Not new years resolutions but life changes
one being to learn how to cook. This will promote a healthier life style for one and save money on eating out. So i gathered some receipes and and bought spices and things i had never heard of before and well who knew that grated ginger root did not come already grated?? I was looking for it at the bulk barn. needless to say i felt like a tool when i was told you have to buy the root and grate it yourself with a cheese grater thingy! Here is the receipe I tried out today and was pretty good at making if i do say so myself!

Thai-Riffic Basil Stir Fry

prepared beef broth 1/4 cup
lime juice 2 tbsp.
brown sugar, packed 2 tbsp.
soy sauce 1 tbsp.
corn starch 2 tsp.
cooking oil 1 tbsp.
beef top sirloin steak, cut into thin, short strips 1 lb.
garlic clove, minced 1
dried crushed chilies 1 tsp.
sliced onion 1 cup
sliced red pepper 1 cup
chopped fresh basil 1/4 cup
chopped dry roasted peanuts (optional) 1/4 cup

Heat large frying pan or wok on medium-high until very hot. Meanwhile, combine first 5 ingredients in a small cup. set aside.

Add cooking oil to frying pan. add next 3 ingredients. Stir fry for about 2 to 4 minutes until beef reaches resired doneness. Transfer to plate. cover to keep warm.

Add onion and red pepper to same frying pan. Stir fry for about 2 minutes until tender-crisp. Add beef mixture. Stir cornstarch mixture. Add to beef mixture. Heat and stir for about 1 minute until boiling and thickened.

Add basil. Stir. Sprinkle peanuts over top. Makes about 2 1/2 cups.

Serves 4.

2008-12-29T12:34:00.001-05:00

I am exhausted...

2008-12-28T00:29:00.002-05:00

oh my word I just watched the movie called seven pounds starring will smith. wow. it left me speachless really and feeling very overwhelmed and a bit sad. fantastic movie though I am not going to spoil anything for anyone but I smell an oscar or two for this one!

2008-12-27T10:39:00.002-05:00

I say it over and over again that i am horrible at keeping up with my blog. in the day and age of facebook and myspace and all the other pages we visit obsessivley it can be difficult to remember to actually blog. Christmas 2008 has come and gone and I really am blessed! I am thankful for the very well thought out gifts I recieved from a crock pot to a pink tool kit and a photo magazine subscription to a freeset bag. www.stopthetraffik.org check it out such an amazing cause! i wanted to wish you all love and happiness and a SAFE new year. don't make resolutions just be the best you that you can be! Dont drink and drive!

Much love, and more to come in 2009 - I promise!

2008-09-10T11:55:00.002-04:00

Cross my heart and hope to die...

but PLEASE no more needles in my eye!!!!

I had my 4th treatment yesterday of Avastin.

It is injected right into my eye.

While it was true, it was not as bad this time around as it was last time (horrible) it still leaves very little to be desired.

Now I wait

wait

6 weeks to wait

It seems my life as a pin cushion involves a lot of wait and see.

it is frustrating

it is tiring

it makes me want to give up

but I cannot even THINK that far in the future of this without panicing a little

so I wait

2008-08-11T13:18:00.002-04:00

I am so excited

Jason Mraz is performing again in Toronto

I did not go last time because well most of my friends were like

"Jason who??"

PFFFT

He is AMAZING!!!!!!

There is a friend at work who I found

with a mutual love of all things Mraz!!

We are trying to score some tickets.

I really should not spend my money on so many different concert tickets but then again i did nothing all summer but work. Why not see a few shows!

I'll be seeing New Kids on the Block twice in September lol and then Jason's show is October at Massy hall!

weeeeeeeeeeee - I feel delighted

2008-08-08T12:23:00.002-04:00

My eye specialist said that the problem looks better and treatment seems to be working

I have to make changes
no more smoking
that is hard
and different foods and vitamins

and remove things from my diet

It's an adjustment but I have to do everything I can to promote healthy eyes - it's just a no brainer

So, opposed to smoking half a pack of smokes or more a day I immediatley tried cold turkey which was a BAD SCENE
so I went the next day with 5 smokes
yesterday I had 4 today I am only having 3 and so on

from my perspective...it's a no brainer

2008-07-31T01:50:00.002-04:00

I hurt for you

But she is free

I know she is with Jesus

but you are left here

I'm so sorry my friend

if I could take away your pain

and bring her back I would

There is comfort in knowing she soars now

her pain is gone and she smiles

while you cry

I'm so sorry my friend.

2008-07-29T11:07:00.003-04:00

I fEeL tOrN

EmOtIoNs TwIrLiNg

WhIrLiNg

A tImE tO cElAbRaTe

BuT yEt, To GrEiVe

JoY, pAiN.

lAuGhTeR, tEaRs.

My HeArT iS hEaVy,

My HeArT iS LiGhT.

i'M tHrILLeD aT tHe NeWs,

I'm TeRiFiEd At ThE nEwS.

cOnGrAtUlAtIoNs AnD cOnDoLeNcEs

I aM tOrN.

2008-07-02T12:11:00.002-04:00

This is my room mate Jeff. He just let me set up a little photo studio in the basement and so i took some shots of him a couple of nights ago and this one is my favorite. I need actual real lighting so I don't have to carry around a little lamp ha ha ha But anyway I just thought I would blog that my little studio in the basement makes me happy

from my perspective...I need studio lights

2008-06-26T12:03:00.003-04:00

I have had a hard time. I am trying to figure out maybe not the answers at this point but the lesson in the mean time. Is it simply to be more assertive and stand up for myself? Or is it that no matter how hard I try I still end up screwing SOMETHING up? I try to work hard and make sure I am doing everything they ask of me but there is always something else.

I sometimes don't know how to "fix" me

2008-06-23T00:57:00.004-04:00

It's been another long while since I have blogged.....again I procrastinate. Perhaps it is not so much a matter of procrastinating as not really having much to say really. I work too much, as usual. I want to be that I work to live not live to work. That being said I finally opened up a savings account. I need to be doing more things in life that I have been meaning to or dreaming of. No more excuses. If I am a little broke after well so be it I had FUN! I guess I just have been noticing lately that my life seems to get put on hold an aweful lot for others and for my work. That is just not acceptable. Here I am, I wake up and I am 32. For one how did THAT happen and for another how am I so far behind on my list of to do's in life?! In my job I realize, for reasons beyond me, I have consumed myself to the point of not having any social life. I have sacrificed some of the most important things to me. I rarely get to church anymore. I have dwindled my trips to see my nephew to ONCE A YEAR (that is HORRIBLE). I don't do as much photography as I would like. I plan my life around when I work and when I am on call. what is wrong with this picture *cough - people pleaser - cough* I know this sounds like a repeat blog and what I blog about every time I write. BROKEN RECORD. Is there a support group out there for yes people? people pleasers? work-o-holics? people who work extra hours simply because they don't have kids and are doing favors for people who do? I went to see my nephew a couple of weekends ago and I never knew how liberating it could be to just - get ready - turn the cell phone OFF!!! I want to do that more. Ok well here are some recents of my wonderful and amazing nephew, just turned 10 (have I mentioned I have no idea how this happens lol)

Ok well on a positive note some of the things I have been trying to do are go to more concerts lol. So far this year I have seen Bon Jovi, Hedley, Rascall Flatts, Kelly Pickler and in September I am going with my friend to see.......NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK!! ha ha ha ha LOVES IT! And Natasha beddingfield is the opening act! Oh I also saw daughtry as well! I would also like to take more little roadtrips and day off get aways (depending on the darn price of gas that is!) I will keep you posted how the rest of the summer goes....you know, see if I actually reach my goals!

from my perspective...our lives are only as fun as we make them and you only live once so live it to the fullest!

2008-04-01T11:12:00.002-04:00

April Fools!!

April Showers Bring May Flowers!!

Well we have the showers and i am the fool lol. Either way Happy "it's about stinking time it's starting to feel like spring day"

The new living arangment has been for the last almost 2 months and it is going far better then I ever thought it would. Jeff and I have not even fought once. There have been a couple times we were annoyed with each other but it's been good. I know that he owns the house and I just rent a room but it really feels like he treats this like it is half mine and that is a nice feeling. It feels like home and we are having a good time living together.

Work is also going ok. I have been busy but I am not putting in as many hours as I used to and work seems to be calling me far less which really makes me glad. They have actually just approved me and the other manager to start doing 4 10 hour days a week with 3 days off and then we are still doing the 3 weekends off rotation so every 3 weeks I end up with 6 days in a row off and then every 3 weeks I work 7 or 8 days in a row. A small price to pay for getting a vacation every 3 weeks!

On another side note I have, through facebook, reconnected with a bunch of people I went to grade school and highschool with. Now the weird thing is they may have been my friends in grade school but in highschool they hated me and were terrible to me. So I thought ok I will accept their friend requests because people do grow up and all. Anyway I have been invited to an inproptu highschool reunion in June. I said I would go but then I got thinking - none of these people liked me - let alone were nice to me. I told my mom and she actually said "maybe they are going to beat you up again" lol. I don't know why I want to go but I do. Maybe it will be good. Either way it will be really nice to go home....even though home doesn't seem like home anymore when your family is all gone. I think maybe I will take some time to go visit my old houses and maybe even reflect. The last time I went home was for my dad's memorial service 3 years ago.

So...thinking ahead to this reunion I think time to hit the gym hardcore and anyway I over did it and pulled a muscle - very sore and I can not walk even without pain......leson learned.....do some stretches before hand. groan so now i am out of commision again til I can at least stand with no pain.

Ok well anyway I will end this for now as I can't really think of much else to say I just thought I would try to be better at updating every so often.

from my perspective....life is not so bad if you try to make the best of what you got

2008-03-19T10:49:00.002-04:00

missing pieces
put together
I was lost
and now I'm found
puzzle coming together

I have no idea where to even begin. A long time before my dad died he had a feud with the rest of his family and they cut him out. cutting a parent out quite often involves cutting the children off also - even if you never meant to. 2 members of my dads family came to his funeral. I have not seen any of them in years. I was always sad about that. Well I was facebooking and I got a friend request from one of my cousins (well 2nd cousins - the kid of my cousin) All my 1st cousins on my dads side are a lot older then me. Anyway long story short I am now in touch with Whitney, Kara and Stephanie. I have sent requests to Ted and Christopher as well. We are all planning on getting together this summer. I know it's not much but it is really the only thing I have and it feels like a peice of me that has been missing is coming into place. I know that none of my dads family even really liked him, the younger cousins I mentions probably barely even remember him. I guess this is going to be a journy but I just want to KNOW my family. I am happy and it kind of feels like home.

2008-02-06T13:20:00.000-05:00

I am going to try to write in my blog far more often. Facebook seems to have stolen my blogging time....so addictive lol.

I am moving on Saturday. I have been so stressed out with packing and all of a sudden I realized that I get to unpack it all in a few days - so annoying ha!

I am not sure why I have to downsize yet again but I really had no other choice at the moment. I am proud of the person I am becoming even though I have no idea why I have to do this. I am really just tired of so much. Not in a bad way. Just tired. Tired of questioning why. Tired of fighting it. tired of trying to prove myself. I would rather just BE. I mean there are a couple of things I am not "over" but for the most part I just want to "go with the flow". I am learning not to care what people think when I say no - they get frustrated and I am learning to like not caring if they get mad. LOL that sounds funny but it feels good! Anyway lol just my thoughts at the moment because I felt like writing a blog :)

from my perspective...i can't wait to feel settled in

2008-02-06T13:16:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking of you today.

I am trying to remember the last birthday wish I gave you

I am blank

I hate that I can't remember

It freaks me out that I can't hear how you sound anymore - I can't recall

Anyway You would have have been 65 today and I am thinking of you

from my perspective...i wish i could remember some of the little things

2008-01-18T14:24:00.000-05:00

Wow it feels like forever and a day since I last wrote anything but you all know how the christmas season goes....busy busy busy. All work and no play for this girl and now that the holidays are over I am full swing preparing for my move in a few weeks. Not sure what it will be like to live with jeff (my friend nothing more - considering the facts and all lol). I think there will be a few tence drama queen moments for both of us but we work opposite shifts so it may not be so bad. I guess only time will tell I suppose. some things I resolve to do this year are:

1) spend more time away from work - take less call in's and more sick/personal days
2) in doing that spend less time annalyzing plans and just be more spontanious - I am only going to live once right
3)Take more time to myself and be assertive with people when I don't want to do something

basically my idea is that this year is all about me. It may sound selfish but if you really know me you will know that last year I drowned myself in work - no time for friends and for sure no time for me. I want to laugh more and be cranky less and this is the only way I can see that happening. So to all of you a happy happy new year and take more time to spend with the people you love and taking care of yourselves!!

2007-12-16T14:07:00.000-05:00

So far the highlight of my december and the worst thing that happened to me this december both happened on the same day! Dec 6, 2007 started off as a fantastic day - IT WAS BON JOVI DAY!!! I know I have seen them 5 times now SO FAR but it's always super exciting for me (see photo below lol) But as I was getting ready I dropped a battary charger - not a cell phone one - one of those big one's you plug into the wall for rechargables. I dropped it from about 6 feet up off a shelf directly onto my bare toe - BROKE IT. Do you think that stopped me from having a fantastic time at the concert?!!! NO WAY! Apart from that I have not really done anything exciting lately - you know me and my disease and all "chronic workalotis" I even work christmas day. and today I am on day 7 or a 10 day stretch - groan. Oh well I need the money to get gifts and concert tickets and stuff :P Stay tuned for February....my birthday month and going to see rascal flatts with Jeff and moving in to a house with Jeff - Move over Will and Grace you aint got nothin on us - ok so we're pretty much identical - pfft

2007-11-16T11:24:00.000-05:00

To Do Today:

get dressed
go to the grocerty store
bring food home
put it away
bring laundry up to bedroom
fold it and put it away
call about new tires
go out and get gas
go pick up tash and Jerome
go pick up jeff
go to swiss chalet to meet ben
drive all them home and go home

sometimes I feel like my days off are not my own. everyone has something they want from me mostly time. I just sometimes feel like I never seem to have a time when no one wants me. It's annoying, it's nice, it's frustrating, it's nice

mostly it is tiring and makes me a little cranky
I kinda want a vacation away from EVERYONE

ok have to start my list

2007-11-02T15:55:00.000-04:00

I've been much more easily annoyed with people lately

I have to remember that it's not worth being so bothered about

I have to remember just to do all I can do the best i can do

Anything more then that - well it will just have to wait

I have to remember that sometimes I will need to set aside what i need to do to help others and not get so bent out of shape over their interupting my work.

(just trying to give myself a little pep talk before work lol)

2007-10-29T11:38:00.000-04:00

The weather outside is grey and cold the last couple of days.
I am tired and sore.
I feel old.

I work alot but I have no choice
you have to work to pay the bills

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful I am employed and I like my job - for the most part

I just feel old.
I just feel bored.
I just feel uninterested.

Life is what we make it to be. I know that.
I just have not figured out how to make mine better or more fun yet.

How does someone meet people, new people, when they have wierd shifts.
For that matter - WHERE do young 30 somethings even hang out?

any suggestions? I thought about joining a club, a dance class.....anything but I find most of these things take place on the weekends and I work lol

ugh

2007-09-27T10:48:00.000-04:00

HiGh-PoInT's Of My SuMmEr

Just taking a moment here to post some pictures of a few things I was able to do this summer. Other then working that is!

2007-09-02T00:07:00.000-04:00

yet again I have fallen into the cycle of working way too much - at 48 hours so far this week and there is still 1 more day for someone to call in sick and Beth to swoop in and save the day

when can someone save MY day?

I am just getting worn out and frustrated that I do so many favors and it never seems to go full circle (with a few exceptions)

there are stories that I could tell but really why bother beyond hey beth can you take a shift for me and I owe ya one - but when

lol ok I think I need to go to bed

2007-08-24T11:07:00.000-04:00

I had a really good time playing racko and skipbo with roxy and jamie last night - or should i say i had a good time watching roxy win every round we played lol

how could i have forgotten she always wins games.

sigh

but it was still fun

but now i have to get my butt in gear and dress for work

2007-08-21T11:00:00.000-04:00

I Finally got to go see my nephew after over a year I had such a good time! Hard to believe he is 9 already. He's a great kid!

2007-07-25T00:55:00.001-04:00

sometimes I don't understand god's plans
sometimes so many things just don't seem fair
I cannot understand how horrible it would be

my friend from college and his wife had to watch their 2 year old daughter emma die today
suddenly
at their home
she was playing with a ball
she choked on it

the ordinary right now seems so grusomely extraordinary

I am filled with heartache for what they must be going through
prayers hardly seem like enough

from my perspective...i am questioning reason

2007-07-17T09:52:00.000-04:00

Well I drove Crash to the Vet today and it was very hard to leave her there. She is being spayed this morning and I really am not sure what to do with myself as I wait to go get her this afternoon. I hope everything goes ok but all I could think about while I drove away is her little face looking through the cage bars like she was in a little prison and how scared she was and meowing at me......WAAAAAAAHAHAHA it was a little heart breaking really but I know it has to be done other wise I will most likely become the crazy cat lady way sooner then I should and from what I hear if they go into heat they are incredably loud and crazy and I don't want that either. I know it is right by why does it make me feel so darn guilty. Sigh.

2007-07-09T12:37:00.000-04:00

Well Happy July everyone! I am noticing more and more how badly I have been slacking in the blog department. I guess there is not much to write about except my job or my cat so I begin to think that would get really boring really fast. I have just recently finished a great book. One that really challanged a lot of ideas that are out there. I personally think there are a lot of ideas and opionions that NEED to be challanged. Anyway, Highly recommend it.

So I thought what the hey I might as well also throw in a recent picture of myself while I am at it lol. I guess I should get back to cleaning up before I have to go back to work - i am exhausted and need a vacation badly

2007-06-22T09:50:00.000-04:00

oh to have my life slow down
feels good
sleeping in
being lazy all day
got to get back into the routine of staying up later thought

Still roasting in my bedroom
still no aircon

need money for the plastic to seal the window

2007-06-16T13:29:00.001-04:00

I am so hot
air con still not put in
melting
sweating

ugh

snow.......PLEASE

2007-06-03T12:56:00.000-04:00

I am finding it hard to write on here lately....for one it's summer and I am trying to get out and have a life but I am working 2 jobs at the moment and today was my 14th day working in a row and I don't get another day off til next sunday - ugh. But I did just give in my 2 weeks notice in Toronto and going back to the job here that is local and maybe getting in some more education. Some people thought this was a bad move but I feel right about it. I also have been wanting to do some volunteer stuff and well that was just not possible before. Now I just have to listen to my mom lecture me - ugh

2007-05-23T18:11:00.000-04:00

Tash and Andrea on Parlament Hill!

Drivin with Tash

Andea and I

wow! It's been a very long while since I wrote anything in my blog I guess all this nice weather we have been having is beckoning me outdoors! I hope that everyone had a very relaxing and great long weekend! I know I did! I went on a road trip with my good friend Natashia to Ottawa and just spent time with her and walked around taking photographs! We even had a chance to spend most of the weekend with my friend Andrea who I had not seen in 9 years since working with her at lakeshore camp! It was just all together good for my soul! I've added some photos of our time on here but now I must sneak out to get my hair cut but I will be better at posting at LEAST once a week!

2007-05-17T23:05:00.000-04:00

finally, after working so many hours beth is going on a road trip this weekend! I am very excited!

2007-04-29T19:18:00.000-04:00

I attended my first (indoor) BBQ of the season last night at my friend Mike and his girlfriends Kris's house last night it was great fun and meeting some new people turned out great. This lovely girl and I had a lot in common and it was nice to meet someone who is as grossed out touching raw meat as I am - don't ask lol. I just realized I did not give her my e-mail - oh well I can do that through Mike. Mike and Kris are such nice people. It was nice to get away from Oshawa (they live in Toronto) for a night and meet people who do not have any preconcieved ideas about who I am and how I am and all that. I have kinda been craving that lately. Kind of like the Cheers theme song only Some times you wanna go where nobody knows your name. I know that may sound totally odd but who ever said I was normal lol

2007-04-22T17:46:00.000-04:00

Well I did it! I made it to my 10 year Bible College reunion in Eston Saskatchewan! The whole class was not able to make it so here is about half of us. It was so wonderful to reconnect I cannot even put into words! It was like no time had passed! That is one very special thing about our class is we were so close we were like a family and even though I had not seen any of them in 10 years I still felt just as close to them as I did back in school! I just had such a great time! That is all I can say really! It was emotional and overwhelming, encouraging and uplifting. It felt like I was home.

2007-04-20T13:09:00.000-04:00

I know yesterday's post ended rather abruptly lol but I was at work and the phone rang and I forgot to go back and fix that lol. Any way I have just arrived in Saskatoon - man I remember why I was not wanting to come back after graduation lol there is still a little snow on the ground and the houses are dumpy and it's grey and blah here. Oh well I am here for my 10 year college reunion so that part I am REALLY looking forward to! That is tomorrow. I am staying at an old work mate's place and he just left for work and will not be home until around 8:30 which is 10:30 Ontario Time so I am going to be so tired at that point because that is normally my bed time oh well what can ya do right?! Anyway I am very anxious to see my friends again it is going to be amazing - I hope anyway. So I just wanted to stop in and finish what I was saying yesterday and I will be home sunday at around noon time - ya - 534 bucks to be here a day and a half - call me crazy hee hee

2007-04-19T11:54:00.000-04:00

well hello there veryone it has been a while since I wrote because I have taken on a couple of side jobs so that I could afford to go to my class reunion in sask this weekend!

2007-03-31T23:51:00.000-04:00

I would like to take a moment and introduce you to the newest member of my family - ok so it's only me so he makes it a family lol! Meet Captain Crash! But I just call him Crash because well I can! Can you believe someone actually abandoned this little cutie?!

2007-03-25T11:01:00.000-04:00

I just learned how to import my blog onto my facebook - now I am just testing it out
Oh the things I learn when i am home sick and in my jammies lol

2007-03-24T19:35:00.000-04:00

**Ode To The Flu**

Tissues Tissues everywhere
not sure why I can blow no air

stuffed up nose and aching head
Why did I get out of bed

my body hurts and my nose is red
I think I wish that I were dead

I lay and cry and medicate
and all I can do is sleep and wait

Am I hungry or am I not?
All I know is that I am full of snot

I try to eat it's way too hard
I can't breathe at all
please someone send me a get well card

LOL I have been sick all week and just starting to feel better I have never slept so much in my life. I still feel blah and have no energy but at least I can function. Anyway I realized it has been a couple weeks since I wrote anything and that I have been really slacking with my blog so here i am!

from my perspective...tylenol flu night time is my friend

2007-03-10T08:46:00.000-05:00

as a lot of you know yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of when my dad died. He did have a tiny bit of Jewish roots (and when I say timy I mean tinly lol) But he was very proud of that tiny portion and was always talking about Isreal and Jeruselem and all that. So Yesterday I went and got a memorial tattoo with my dads name in hebrew (I didn't want to get just his name lol) Anyway it hurt but I kept thinking about the meaning behind it the whole time. Anyway here is a pic of me going through the pain. I believe in this picture I was staring at a little happy face someone doodled on the wall. I kept singing dancing queen in my head - not sure why but whatever helps ya get through the pain lol

2007-02-27T21:31:00.000-05:00

things I am happy about today

Having seen Angela on Friday (I was happy to see everyone at the birthday party but particularly my longl ost sistah)

new glasses (which look a lot like Angela's coincidentally lol)

new job

birthday surprizes

dinners with friends and family

e-cards

phone calls

feeling loved

THAT I NOW FIT INTO SIZE 18 PANTS!! DOWN 2 SIZES HOLLA!

new shoes

new clothes to fit my new body

i can wear a belt and it actually fits!

a back bone that is growing stronger every day and that i am not putting up with crap anymore

de-dramafication

I am in a good place

I am happy

i am a new girl!

who would have thought that a life could change so much so fast

that i am raised out of the dung heap and for that I am most grateful!

2007-02-24T02:22:00.000-05:00

it's been way too long since i have wrote anything in here so here i am

today was my birthday party and i had a nice time with my friends

got to see angela after FAR too long and the food was great, the chats were great and angela and i did a lot of laughing

then we went to amanda's house and played mad gab - this game is so funny you all should try it!

my new job is going well but it is an ajustment getting up so stinking early!

well I will post some b-day party pics as soon as I get them from roxy but i had a good time!

2007-02-09T01:38:00.000-05:00

officially now down 15 pounds! WOOT WOOT!

2007-02-07T01:23:00.000-05:00

it was your birthday yesterday
i thought of you often
i missed you
i wished for a moment with you

time goes by way too fast

i know you are gone but i wanted to say happy bithday anyway because it keeps your memory close

2007-02-04T00:07:00.000-05:00

ok ok

the job

assistant to the national rep of an industrial equiptment supplier

mon-fri 7-3

benefits

how's that for a great opportunity!

2007-02-02T01:00:00.000-05:00

I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 WEEKS NOTICE TOMORROW

LIFE IS HAPPENING SO FAST AROUND ME LATELY

WHICH END IS UP

ALL FLIPPED TURNED UPSIDE DOWN

OR MAYBE IT'S JUST FINALLY RIGHTSIDE UP AFTER SO LONG UPSIDE DOWN

I DON'T KNOW BUT TRANSFORMATIONS ARE FUN

RIDE THE WAVE

AS FAR AS IT WILL TAKE ME

LIGHT AT THE END OF A LOOOONG DARK TUNNEL

I AM CONTENT

2007-01-26T13:24:00.000-05:00

from my perspective...I am doing well. I am happy. I am learning. I hear my room mates daughter laughing, it's a great sound. I am hopefull. I am terrified, but I am ready to take on the world!

2007-01-21T00:15:00.000-05:00

just to clarify for little miss Tammy lol
I do NOT have a secret potential boyfriend ha ha ha

you are so silly
if I had a boyfriend I would be shouting it from the rooftops lol

you should know that by now!

Anyway with the whole healthy eating and pilates I have now lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks!

I feel great and am actually getting comments from people that I seem much happier
I can't give all the credit to that though

I will be honest there are other reasons

I am still not wanting to say too much about it because I am trying to figure it all out still but I will say I am finding my way in life alot better then I used to :)

2007-01-16T13:59:00.000-05:00

It's been a little while since my last post on here that talked about anything other then pilates lol. I just have not really known what to talk about really as pilates is really impacting my life for the better these days. I have been feeling really good and energetic from doing pilates. It has really made me start looking at a lot of things that need changing in my physical life and I can already see and feel a huge difference. There have been some other changes too in my life but I don't really feel like I want to talk about them right now lol. But all in all I am feeling a lot better then I have in a reallllllllly long time.

Anyway

I'll fill you all in more later as I feel more open to discuss lol

that's all for now I suppose I have to soon get ready for Pilates lol

from my perspective...i am becoming the new poster child for pilates!

2007-01-11T13:29:00.000-05:00

Sure this may look easy but be warned lol it can cause injury to your face if not accomplished properly lol....it's all a great work out until someone falls off the ball lol. I love doing pilates - I have gotten better at it but this one was a challange today - I could not even get to that pose lol
my face hit the mat every time lol. However after just a week I am ALREADY seeing a difference - I am 100% sold on this!

2007-01-10T11:55:00.000-05:00

faith

hoping

standing on

believing

whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say it is well, it is well with my soul

it's sometimes the only thing to hope in

when there are no other options

and the reports are final

2007-01-05T15:02:00.000-05:00

first blog of the year

first pilates class of the year

i can't move

my everything hurts

took me 20 minutes to get out of bed and dressed today

no pain no gain right?

no resolutions - just life changes

off to an ok start

change of life = change of heart?

we'll see i guess

from my perspective...i'm in too much pain but it makes me optomistic lol

2006-12-30T06:26:00.000-05:00

After working 10 days in a row I was very excited for a day off on the weekend!!!
but lo and behold 5:45am my phone rings and someone called in sick so off I go to work for 7 - 11 days in a row on about 3 hours sleep

2006-12-28T23:32:00.000-05:00

"Hurt"

By Christina Aguilara

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face

You told me how proud you were but I walked away

If only I knew what I know todayI would hold you in my arms

I would take the pain away

Thank you for all you've done

Forgive all your mistakes

There's nothing I wouldn't do

To hear your voice again

Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit

Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss

You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?

Would you help me understand?

Are you looking down upon me?

Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't doTo have just one more chance

To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself

If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much thatI've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous

It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself

By hurting you

2006-12-22T11:56:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to take the time to wish everyone a merry christmas and happy new year lots of love check ya in the new year!

2006-12-19T15:32:00.000-05:00

I found myself with some time on my hands this afternoon while waiting for the dryer to do it's job and I thought I would write a little something.

something

HA HA HA am I funny or what lol

I am thinking today about some things I have been appreciating the last couple of days

1. Ikea in the day time is not very busy
2. Christmas songs on the radio
3. unexpected gifts from friends - hellllllllo digital camera!!
4. even short visits with friends I don't see often
5. the ability to just say what I have been wanting to say for a while to someone and that someone recieving it in a positive way - I am glad I could say it and it made me feel better that you were understanding that I was not mad at you - just frustrated with the circumstances
6. that I can see almost perfect out of 1 eye - better then not seeing at all right
7. that I am not on call this week
8. that my grandpa was not seriously hurt when he fell down the stairs last week - he's still sore and has to use a walker at the moment but did not break anything
9. that I got the day off last saturday to spend with my family and jeff's birthday party. It was so good to just see extended relatives and their kids!
10. that joanne and ryan and the boys and NEW BABY will be here tomorrow!

2006-12-15T11:45:00.000-05:00

Well here I am again squeezing in a quick blog between work and an errand lol. Today I am going to go meet roxy's friend - oh no I can't remember her name lol. Roxy thinks we would like each other.

Anyway, I don't really have anything exciting to say. I work all durring the holidays 10 days in a row. I don't even know what the point of saying things at work to stick up for myself anymore. I seem to be like the wind no one really listens to.

The new year will HAVE to bring some changes. I have some thinking to do but I have been so busy at work I have not had time to think.

Ok well enough griping and complaining I need to stay positive and upbeat

that is all

I say good day!

2006-12-12T14:01:00.000-05:00

I am not sure if anyone else feels like this this Christmas but my issue is this is usually the case AFTER you buy the gifts. Because of my recent eye injection that I had to pay for I am starting off like this. I know that Christmas is not about the gifts but it's hard not to feel bad. I have had to go without some things lately in order just to even get some really cheap gifts for my family. I am trying to think of other ways that I can give them something worth while and make up some kind of gift card for like - I will clean your car or I will scrub your toilet - you know all the things people hate to do. I hate to do them too but I want to give people something meaningful that they can really say thanks I hate that job and you are going to do it for me lol. If anyone has some good ideas please let me know! Anyway. That's all for now I have to raid my piggy bank now to see if I can afford a coffee with my friend lol - desperate times call for desperate mesasures and I REALLLLLLLY want a timmy's lol

in case I don't post again before Christmas I wish you all a beautiful holiday time with family and loved ones and may the new year bring happiness and wonderful memories!!

2006-12-06T12:28:00.000-05:00

I forgot to post this picture last week. It is myself and Richard, My pen pal from Ireland. He was in toronto for a couple of days and I got the chance to meet him after close to 2 years of e-mails and the such. Anyway I thought I would share the picture (I look kinda bad because we had been out in the wind downtown toronto for a couple of hours at that point lol)

2006-12-06T12:16:00.000-05:00

Well I survived last week - I did not post because I worked 52 hours and was freaking exhausted. There really is nothing too new and exciting in my world these days and all. Pretty boring I know but that is the life of a single working gal at times. don't see enough of my friends for various reasons. Don't see enough of my home for other various reasons (WORK).

I Had a great talk with an old friend on MSN last night and it was so good to do some catching up - even if some of it was a little surprizing lol.

my room mate got a cat and I am allergic and he shuts him in the basement when he goes to work and I acn hear the poor thing meowing and I feel terrible but I have to work tonight I can't be all stuffy and sneezy - oh it's so mean I know but I TOLD him I am allergic

I have another injection in my eye tomorrow morning and I am NOT looking forward to that in the least. I just hope it works and speaking of working I need to go get ready

2006-11-29T13:08:00.000-05:00

I feel sentimental today
Steve has not put a christmas tree up in the living room yet so I went out to the garage and got my charlie brown christmas tree out and set it up in my bedroom and decorated it while listening to Christmas music.

That was the one thing, the one tradition where the only fight I can remember having in our family was who got to put the angel on the top of the tree that year.

We would put on the christmas cartoons and order pizza and decorate the house and sing along to the christmas cartoons you know - rudolf, the grinch, frosty and when we got older it didn't matter to us that cartoons were for kids it was just a given we would watch them and quote every line!

smiles, laughter, fun and happiness were not normal at my house and this is why I cherished this tradition so much. But today there was no pizza, and no family. Just me in my jammies in my bedroom singing along to my cd of christmas music and remembering days gone by with fond memories and a little tear in my eye.

I wish I could have even 5 minutes in that day again - even just to hear the sounds. I will just have to keep on cherishing them and looking forward to new beautiful memories.

from my perspective...i wish i could hear the laughter again

2006-11-21T00:21:00.000-05:00

Well HE'S HERE!!!

Lucas Robert Ryan Friesen was born last night!!

Ryan and Joanne (Laing) welcomed in their 3rd boy into the world last night Sunday Nov 19th!!!

He weighed 7 pounds not sure how many ounces (lol)

Jo was in hard labour for just under 1 hour - she has babies very quickly!!

Anyway I am just very happy for them. She says this concludes their family lol no more thats it.

Can't wait to meet Lucas when they come home for Christmas!

2006-11-17T01:19:00.000-05:00

Just an update for the sake of updating lol

sorry to all the friends I have not had a chance to see much this week

We have a huge new client at work and it's been busy busy and we have about 6 more starting over the next couple weeks so that is going to bring in some money for us so we can actually HIRE more people so that is exciting! Anyway I am well and happy these days.

ok that's my life to date

2006-11-11T14:00:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here at the computer and as I type there is a rather handsome man laying on my bed
blond hair and blue eyes
watching my tv

ok so it's only Jeff lol

Just wanted to be silly

It's nice to get visits every so often

or having lunch with him on his break at work

even when he purposley makes me crazy annoying me just "because I love the reaction I get"

well I figured I have not blogged anything in a while I would today

It's rainy and cold and I have to go to work soon but ya

thats all

2006-11-02T18:38:00.000-05:00

it's cold in my office right now

I have many thoughts running through my head at the moment and not sure what to do about them lol

thoughts that shall remain locked on the inside

sometimes they are better when they stay locked up lol

on a total different topic

why do I feel so often like I want to do things just to prove a point?

I know this is such a random blog and there are no background comments and no one has any idea what I am refering to or talking about and I am not about to start to even tell anything lol

ok enough of that

My sister is getting married!!

I am very excited about that however as the maid of honor in a city 3.5 hours away from her she is making it kind of difficult to help her start planning when she is not returning my phone calls or e-mails - hmph - I guess she is busy.

I wonder how my nephew feels about this? I have not had the chance to ask him where Tina is not around - he tells me secrets - I am the cool aunty. I hope that he is feeling good about it. If he is not I will try to help him understand. Because She is happier then I have ever seen her so I know Chris is good for her.

I am still not seeing any better and the eye surgery was a week ago

from my perspective....my eye is pissin me off

2006-10-28T23:24:00.000-04:00

in all fairness I need to say a friend of mine brought up the following concerning information about the flu shot that I have never seen in any of the documents I have read. I think it is so important that we research ALL the facts and I thought I would add his information now -

"The best protection from infectious diseases (and the flu) is a robust immune system and healthy daily habits - NOT the flu shot.In fact, if you have taken the flu shot more than 8 times in the last 10 years you have an 80% chance of getting Alzheimers. Now THERE'S an encouraging fact!That said, get the facts about the flu shot. Although it's becoming increasingly difficult to separate facts from the hype created by the media and the government, the facts are out there.There are potential dangers to the flu vaccine. Two years ago I had a reation to the flu shot that made my head spin for 6 weeks - literally. I experienced Benign Positional Vertigo within 24 hours of the shot and I couldn't get out of bed.I would encourage you to do some research and consider visiting a Naturopathic Doctor. There are alternatives for staying healthy and you should look into them. "

So be very thorough in your research because I had NO IDEA. Not like any of you would have run out and got a flu shot just because I said to or anything lol. Just be informed!

2006-10-26T21:48:00.000-04:00

just a quick note

surgery was done today

did NOT enjoy any part of it

have the flu to top it off

goodnight irene I am off to bed

2006-10-24T13:58:00.000-04:00

I wish that the flu shots were not delayed - They are just starting to administer them to the long term health care facilities. Still not available to the common folk like us. I believe I am coming down with a flu/cold. I am such a flu shot advocatate too - I think they should have at least sent me one for being so preachy about getting a flu shot. Sigh. I go through spurts of tiredness and general run down feavery type symptoms. I sound like ScoobyDoo in the morning and I have a scratchy "gunky" throat. Maybe it is a low immune system from stress or working too much but I just want it gone. I cannot afford to call in sick tomorrow - I only had 3 shifts this week because I am getting my eye surgery on Thursday. Anyway - GET YOUR FLU SHOTS AS SOON AS YOU CAN!

from my perspective...i need a nap

2006-10-22T17:42:00.001-04:00

2 days away from oshawa
not enough
back at work right now

had fun times with rox and her grandma "if ya know what I mean" lol we said that after just about every sentance and even had grandma saying it too lol

too funny

had some "video therapy" on the drive home and put the video camera on the dashboard lol man we are really quite funny - maybe you would not think so but I really don't care lol

bed time stories
"I'll never sit on a slot machine chair again"
going for a drive to tims listening to dane and laughing histerically while the guys in the car next to us try to listen in - sheesh buy your own cd lol
singing like opera stars
literal actions - "some say loooooove it is a razer..."

I felt like I was a mess - pretty sure I looked like it too but Roxy didn't mention it and for that I am happy

pretty sad when you look forward to eye surgery to get away

from my perspective....i am tired

2006-10-18T22:27:00.000-04:00

"missing: Crazy Old Times Beth - wanted alive - reward"

a quote from Tammy and Roxy

Yes, it is true, I can admit it. I am no longer the person I used to be. It's good to have friends to remind me that they miss the crazy old times me. How I was. Spontanious, photo taking, crazy, fun me. It is troublesome to have a mini intervention on my behalf - having my friends worry about my stress level and actually tell me they are taking me away even just for a road trip. I see the concern in their eyes and I know I work a lot - too much and I know work makes me cry and hurt and feel like puking. I don't know how I ever got to this point in my life where I do this. Answer the phone every time it rings, scared for my job if I don't work 10 days without a day off, where I actually permit them to question why I am not putting off things like eye surgery to suit their staffing coverage needs. When I stand up for myself getting the run around or being told somehow I MUST have been responcible - "approching the situation in the wrong way" - uh sorry I am going blind let me rethink how else I could approach that WITHOUT having to take time off for a surgery - WHAT EVER WAS I THINKING??

sigh

from my perspective...smashing on call cell phones and punching people is NOT an option...is it?

2006-10-15T17:44:00.001-04:00

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2006-10-15T17:44:00.000-04:00

2006-10-12T21:07:00.000-04:00

Well here's a good update lol

When I worked at minacs about 2 years ago I had a friend there who was also into photography and I made a deal with him and paid him 750 dollars in installments for his medium format camera. He started having some stress issues and attendance problems and then stopped coming to work altogether and well I never got the camera from him. I searched high and low to track him down and then just figured I had lost my money and tried to move on and forget about it. Anyway last night I was browzing through friends of my friends on myspace - ok ok I was bored and all and I happened to see his picture. My jaw dropped open and I sent him a nice little note asking about the camera and he replied to me today and he asked me where I want him to drop it off to me. I know it does not seem like much but this is the best thing that has happened to me lately. I'll probably just turn around and sell the camera now but I also asked him if he was still selling his digital slr - perhaps he would give me that one instead - that would be even better. Either way I am just glad that after 2 years I am finally able to be peaceful about that whole situation. So thats my story for today and I am glad

2006-10-11T12:22:00.000-04:00

It's been a little while since I wrote something so I thought maybe I should

Not sure what to say though

I had a job opportunity that came up but unfortunatley I did not get it

I went to my friends birthday dinner last night that was fun it was good to see some people I had not seen in a long time

I am feeling the urge to travel again and just get away from here and relax but I cannot afford to go anywhere.

Ok this has got to be one of the more pointless blogs I have written it's just nothing exciting has happened to me in a little while so I am not so sure what to say

from my perspective...i miss the sunshine

2006-10-05T00:22:00.000-04:00

The final update.

My friend Ellen's Fiance Jeff passed away today.
He was in his early 30's (maybe 31)
He has a young son and Ellen's daughter who was like a step daughter.

There will be a "celebration of Jeff's life"
Held this Saturday in Jeff's favorite pub in Bowmanville
He is being cremated and the actual funeral will just be family.

Please continue to pray or send good thoughts out for Ellen and Jeff's family.
It's been devistating to them.

To think this started out as a cold that turned into pnumonia which turned fatal

makes you think

from my perspective...i am heartbroken for my friend

2006-10-02T00:06:00.000-04:00

the latest update on my friend Ellen's fiance Jeff for those of you who have been asking - please pray if you pray and if you don't please at least think good thoughts for them:

I finally had the meeting with the ethics guy and we have convinced his dad to agree with myself and his mom that Jeff deserves better then this. His quality of life is not good at all and he shows no signs of getting any better. The doctors all agree that his prognosis is pretty bad and that any improvements he does make will be minimal so, we have all agrred to remove his heart meds and let nature take its course.

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I cry a lot but I know that this is the one thing that I can actually do for him...it is the ONLY thing I can do for him and it is what he wanted. That he expressed prior to this incident the fact that he never wanted to be this way made everything a lot easier then it would have been otherwise so my advice to all of you is to write it down somewhere and give it to your family members because this could have happened to anyone...the ethics guy said he sees it every day and it is super hard on the families who are left behind...it is much harder when they have different opinions on what should be done...so...like I said...write it down and make sure people know what your choices are...I am sure that had Jeff not told someone other then just me...his dad would have fought me every inch of the way...he was just in denial and hoping for the best but it clouded his judgement for a while...you know?!

Anyways...to make a long story short...I am guessing that I will be hosting a funeral at some point within the next two weeks, but that is hard to call because it still all comes down to Jeff and his body's reactions to things so...I will let you all know if anything should happen...

from my perspective...this is such a hard thing for anyone to deal with or go through my heart breaks for her and the family so please remember them

2006-09-30T16:15:00.000-04:00

Can you believe someone threw coffee all over my car in my work parking lot? See this happened a couple days ago but I was not certain, however, a guy that lives across the street in the apartments that I chat with when he walks his dog said he saw them do it. Nice eh

life must be pretty boring when you have to preform random acts of coffee throwing

jerks

2006-09-29T15:10:00.000-04:00

Why is it so cold out - that just does not seem right
My toes feel like toecycles lol

went for lunch with Cheryl today
poor thing has such a bad cold and can't take anything for it
so we went to shoppers drug mart after and got her some
vitamin C (not the singer lol)

Tabitha wants me to go to the marsh with her tomorrow so she can see the turkey's
I told her friend or not if they came running she's on her own I'm outta there lol

Today is my last day on call - THANK GOD!
It's only been a week but it feels like a whole month

I have been working insane amounts and I can't wait just to get my days off and not have to talk to anyone from work

oh the joys of managment meetings they don't tell me about
or someone else doing the schedule and not even looking at peoples time off requests
then taking their day off only to let me deal with the complaints
then when I redo the schedule and post it for them to take it down and say it's not right
but not giving me a reason besides we need more coverage on wednesday because of the managment meeting - uh what meeting? I still don't know

from my perspective....i want a vacation

2006-09-26T16:36:00.000-04:00

Ok so I thought I would share this little story with you all! Today is my day off so I thought hey, I'm gonna go out and see if I can get some good pictures for the Flickr assignment (on line photography group I am in). So I thought ok I will go to the Lynde Marsh in Whitby there is a lot of fun to be had there hand feeding the chipmunks and birds. So I stop at the store and buy a big bag of peanuts and head on over. So I was strolling along stopping every so often to play with the chipmunks and watch them shove peanuts in their cheeks and I kept hearing these unfarmiliar sounds that I figured was just the squirrels squacking - they do that you know. and so I venture deeper into the woods and start shaking the bag of peanuts to get the attention of all the critters when something catches my eye - somethings I should say and they are running straight at me - what in the world are they I think? Cranes?? oh my gosh they are getting really close - vultures? at this point I start backing up when I noticed there are like 6 of them - they are still running right at me - GOBBLE?? WHAT!! at this point I whipped the remaining peanuts at them and see a pack of wild turkeys pause to eat them and I HAD to snap a picture lol to prove it and then they started running at me again....I have never run so fast I was being chased out of the forrest by a pack of wild turkeys lol I passed a mother and her daughter and just said GOOOOOTURKEYS and we all booked it. I scared the little girl unfortunatley but once out of the forrest I could not stop laughing which makes it hard to catch your breath - will post the picture as soon as it is developed. Who knew assignments could be so dangerous?!

These are not the ones that were after me but they look exactly like them and there were about just as many lol

from my perspective...the marsh will never feel safe again lol

2006-09-24T15:46:00.000-04:00

I moved the car this morning to go to church then descided I was too tired having worked 16 hours yesterday and then called in again this morning for a couple hours before finding someone else to come in and I parked on the road directly in front of my house because steve was in the drive way and there was no visitor parking and when I came out to go to work again I had a 75$ ticket for parking in a fire route

from my perspective...i should have gone to church

2006-09-23T17:10:00.000-04:00

I should have knocked on wood or crossed my fingers or something because the midnight girl called in sick about 5 minutes after I posted my last blog - so I THINK I have it covered but nothing better go wrong tomorrow or I am jumping off the roof of my building onto someone's car lol - jokes but for real I will lose it

2006-09-23T15:23:00.000-04:00

8 hours done - 8 more to go

I work too much

wish list:

that no one else would call in sick this weekend

that rent and car would pay for themselves so I could stay home and be a couch potatoe for a little while

that I would feel more appreciated

that I would know the words to say to express myself more assertivley (spelling??)

that the more you work the more you get what you want

for Roxy to win cash for life so she could take me on a vacation like she said she would - Roxy: "where do you want to go?" Beth: "you are talking and planning like you have already won" LOL

for my bed - I am soooooooo sleepy

that I would stop thinking that everyone at work craps on me

that I would start trying to remember that somehow, some way, hard work pays off - even when you are not getting a raise or better hours or weekends off

speaking of wishes the cutest thing yesterday my room mate's daughter said "Daddy? What do you wish for?" "grown up stuff Naomi - what do you wish for?" "skittles in a bowl" We all laughed

How simple things can be sometimes!

from my perspective...skittles in a bowl sound alright to me too

2006-09-21T21:57:00.000-04:00

After I posted that first blog today I remembered how I wanted to write about the interesting souls that made me giggle today so here's to:

* the old man with the red plaid suit jacket, tan pants, white socks and black shoes
* the old man with a brown suit jacket and floral pants
* the young guy that looks like Napolean Dynomite who squats in front of tim hortons smoking cigarette butts that he finds on the ground
* the old man who looks like santa but dresses like a woman - wow did I do a double take white beard and all!

Sometimes I think living in Oshawa is dull and then I take a look around and am oddly thankful for these interesting splashes of colour that spice up the town. I think maybe people make fun of them or are creeped out by them because they are different, weird, not fitting into what society deems as "right". But really, how right would the world be if we were all the same? Maybe I was more blessed then I realized at the time to grow up the way I did. My dad being a pastor in a small town and he seemed to be the "weirdo magnet" He befriended so many odd or unlovable people. I like that I find amusment in looking at these people but even still I think they are special and am glad they are painting my town!

from my perspective...i am amused

2006-09-21T21:09:00.000-04:00

I got an e-mail today from a friend who read my blog and was going to comment there but then chose to send it in the e-mail. It spoke to me very deeply and I wanted to share it in case anyone else needed to hear the same words. Friend who wrote this you know who you are - thank you! You are a beautiful friend who said the right thing at the right time to encourage me and I am very touched:

"I know how you are feeling. My dad was cremated and his ashes were scattered in B.C. somewhere, so I don't have a headstone or anything to visit and have closure. It is tough to know that we will never see our fathers again, or have to travel far distances to feel somewhat close to them. Then I remember, I don't need a tombstone or a place to visit to remember my dad. I can remember him right here. In my head, in my home and in my heart. That would mean more to him than visiting some cemetary, or tree or river, or whatever. We can be angry at our families for keeping our fathers so far away, but in reality, they are closer to us now then they ever were. We think of them every day instead of once a week when we forgot to call, (or whatever, but you know what I mean). Afterall, the only relationship we have with God is in our heads and in our hearts, yet we can feel so close to him at times. I somewhat believe that my father can hear me when I talk to him too. That somehow God relays the messages to him. Maybe you believe that too. After all we are somewhat alike, so I know that you probably talk to your dad in your car when your driving home from work, or when you are getting ready for your day, all while crying for what you miss/ed. (I do it all the time) And praying for him, eventhough he is probably in a place where he doesn't need prayers anymore. I know how you feel today. I care and I hope you feel better. Don't let your step mom take the good away from you that you do have. I love you. "

2006-09-19T16:25:00.000-04:00

I went to Parkwood today
it's where I go to think or write or take photos
incidentally I did all 3 today

I got to thinking about my dad
well more about my step mom actually

I am hurt by her

for more reasons that I will mention on here today but the one that is the most at the moment is that she burried my dad so far away from me and my brother.

Ok I know you may be thinking that they lived in the states so that is where she would burry him, close to herself.

But then she moved across the country
she had all of my dads things and never told us where she went but that is a whole seperate issue for another day.

It hit me today that for 1 I have never been to his grave and 2 now that she is no longer there there is no one there to visit his grave. I kinda felt like he had been reduced to a headstone ya know.

This may not seem like such a huge deal but it really bothered me.

oh I have no idea where I am trying to go with this

I went there to try to think about where I am going in life and what I want to do and stuff

ya ok

random thoughts I know

whatever

from my perspective...i am confused today

2006-09-15T11:18:00.000-04:00

I am going to be somewhat of a Guinea Pig

Well I went to go for my 2nd eye surgery yesterday and when she looked at my eye she chose not to do it. What the lazer surgery was for was to zap the vessles in the back of my eye that were leaking and stop them from bleeding in the back of my eye. Looks like the first lazer did it's job. So then I am sitting there thinking why can't I see then but she answered my question before I asked. The reason is because I still have a pool of "liquid" as she called it sitting at the back of my eye which is why I have absolutley no central vision in that eye - no joke it was like how many fingers and the answer was I can't even see your hand. Anyway Dr. Baziuk then went on to tell me a few options I had and the cheapest one that from what I have been researching has a GREAT outcome but still very experimental is called Avastin. It is a drug used in colon and rectal cancer patience and don't even ask me how they figured out that it helps your eyes but if it helps me see then I am willing to pay the 200 bucks a needle. I would have to have 2-4 treatments, 1 every 6-8 weeks. It is not your every day needle in the arm though - oh no - it's IN MY EYE BALL. I considered posting a picture of the treatment on here but I thought perhaps you are sqeamish. If you are not you can go on google and check it out

http://images.google.ca/images?hl=en&q=avastin%20in%20the%20eye&sa=N&tab=wi

all I did was type in avastin in the eye and clicked on images and boom there ya go. So I have to go for my 3rd Fluorescein angiography since march on October 17th (it is a test where they inject you with dye and photograph the back and inside of your eye) and then I will either need another lazer AND the avastin or just the avastin. If the lazer is needed it will be Oct 26 if it is just the needle it's the 19th

oh the drama one eye ball can produce - sigh

from my perspective...i just wanna see

2006-09-13T11:55:00.000-04:00

Not feeling so well today
it's raining but I feel like going for a bit of a walk
I have my eye surgery tomorrow
it's number 2 so I am hoping it works better then the first one
I don't think I see much of a difference

I know I must have patience (spelling?)

oh well I need to go move around a bit

2006-09-06T13:02:00.000-04:00

Today I am thankful for:

*The safe arrival of Pastor Jamie and Shannon's new son!!!
*Late night calls from special friends - even if they are the tearful HELP ME kind (I hope i helped you!)
*Potential job offers - keeping my fingers crossed
*The smell of bounce sheets on my bedding - I did not want to get out of bed this morning
*Books on CD - I am prepared for my eye surgery lol
*Tim Horton's coffee
*that I put make up on today
*Friends who visit me
*that I am single

from my perspective...I am counting my blessings (at least that way I am not complaining lol)

2006-09-04T18:41:00.000-04:00

Just a quick prayer request. Please pray for Cheryl and Jay. They were married Aug 5th and without getting into a lot of details here they are not doing well. Please pray for Jay, his temper, and that he will learn to show that he cherishes his wife and pray for Cheryl as she is just a wreck at the moment and depressed. That she would know how special and loved she is.

Thanks

2006-09-04T18:38:00.000-04:00

It's a sad day today. My favorite Animal guy is gone. It's hard to believe, he was so young. I just thought I would add a little tribute here. I don't know what else to say, It's always sad when someone looses their lives unexpectedly. His poor wife and kids.

2006-08-31T00:50:00.000-04:00

Ok so it has been a few days since I last blogged but I am trying to adapt to a "if you can't say anything nice don't say nothing at all" mentality so I just didn't write anything.

It was nice to see Roxy after work today waiting for me when I came outside - even though she scared me because I was not expecting her lol

It was nice to talk to Joanne last night and find out baby number 3 is also boy number 3 - now just have to wait for his grand entrance!

It was nice to be able to work to pay bills even though work is just not nice - I have a job at least.

I think a tent in Alberta driving brats to school for 77 bucks an hour sounds like a fun adventure lol - come on are we not all about adventures?

from my perspective...i need way more adventure in my life

2006-08-26T16:06:00.000-04:00

not going to complain about my job
trying to be thankful for it
trying to understand why it is so hard to find a new one

not going to complain about a lack of social life
trying to be thankful I have life in my body at all
trying to understand why I am so discontent when some friends are having some really major issues in their lives right now

2006-08-24T18:10:00.000-04:00

Hello all

I just got the latest update from my friend Ellen. As you will read it is not looking very good so who ever reads this who prays or even if you don't it may be a good time to start. Please say a prayer for them:

I am ok...a little sad today and barely holding it together but I will be ok...I finally heard back about the neurological stuff and it does not look good...because of the promise Jeff made me make to him about not letting him be this way, I have discussed it with both his mom and his dad and yesterday at the family meeting with the doctors, I had to ask what our options were as far as his future....I gave them the ok to not resusitate him should anything come up again that makes him crash...then I cried and cried and cried....so...not a good day but I cannot dwell on it cause I am teary eyed again as I write this....I will be ok though...dont worry...it is still a game of waiting....god knows how I love that...but we wait...if things change and he starts to make progress then I can change my mind on the resusitation thing. I really dont like having this as my responsibility...I know I will do the right thing for Jeff but for probably the first time ever, I care what other people will think...I dont want anyone who cares about Jeff to think I did this on purpose cause it was easier for me or something, you know? He made me promise not to let him be this way and this decision is the hardest thing I have ever had to make. I know the doctors dont hold out much hope for much more of a recovery then what we have already seen...they said it usually happens with young people within the first two to four days after waking up ( the full recovery if it is going to happen). They also told me that my decision was the most compassionate and caring thing to do...that really made me cry because I really didn't want to do it...I would have loved to be selfish but I am a woman of my word...Jeff and I really talked about this...he even asked me to make sure I still watch out for Johnathan and take him sometimes on our weekends etc. I am so glad he looked at all options and decided for himself because I dont think I could have said what I did yesterday if he hadn't stressed it was what he wanted. I never said I was perfect...every once in a while I would like to be selfish too, you know?

The really shitty part is that he seems to be doing great today...he has been awake for a while today and he watched a movie with me...he is doing most of the things I ask him too, like opening or closing his eyes, sticking his tongue out, and I swear to god he is trying to talk to me...can't make out anything he is saying but he is definately trying...I guess, the way I see it is this...if he shows an improvement...I can always change my mind on what I have said....so for now...I still wait.

There is always the chance of a miracle...right???? Long shot I know but I believe in 'em.

Anyhoo...I just snuck on today (to the internet I mean), so I should be going...I will e-mail again tomorrow.

2006-08-23T01:05:00.000-04:00

It was heart breaking to watch you sob today.
to see you hurting so badly
I wanted to be able to say something to make it better
instead I said nothing that would help
but I rubbed your back and hugged you

I want to have faith in miracles
that God will heal your marriage
that you would not feel that you made a big mistake
but most of all that you would be happy again

the smiling giggling baby talking kind person that you are

I hope that a couple days at your moms helps put perspective in both your minds

from my perspective...my heart is aching for my friend today.

2006-08-18T11:50:00.000-04:00

Some of you have been asking about updates on my friend Ellen's fiance Jeff. Well the news has been so up and down that he still is not out of the woods yet. On August 16th ellen wrote:

Sorry for the delay in updates...someone else started to occupy the bed where the computer was...so I no longer had access....I am spending a bit of time with Taylor away from the hospital but will be back tomorrow so while I had access I thought I would send a GREAT update.

Woohoo...I finally have something promising to tell you all...this morning they took out the respirator tubes so there is not any trouble with breathing anymore...he seems to be stable though they are still giving him oxygen. They also took out the major IV's in his leg and now only have two in his arm...one for taking blood and one for medications. The nuerologists have not said what the EEG scan (which will show brain activity) has said yet but they did come in and do some manual tests.

I was a little afraid that Jeff was just seeing me as something he recognized (like comfort) but did not know exactly who I was...he just hasn't seemed to be really with it yet...today when they did the tests, they asked him to look right (he didn't), look left (which he did), look right again (which he did this time), look at your wife (and he looked at me...I smiled at him because I was so pleased he knew me, and when she kept asking him to look in other directions he didn't take his eyes off me....not for about two minutes...cheese... I know... but I loved every minute of it. They wanted him to get lots of sleep today, they figured it would be easy for him without the discomfort of the tubes, but he seems restless...so I would go over to the bed and tell him I was there and he would sort of dose off (at first), then I would give him a kiss on his cheek (his lips are swollen and sore from the tube and I didn't wanna hurt him) and he would lean in like I should kiss his lips, I would kiss the other cheek and he would lean the other way like I should again kiss his lips, so eventually I kissed his lips ever so gently and he tried to lick me. God, Bob and I laughed until we cried I think...he's a funny man, even when he is sick...haha.

Anyways...his attitude is promising...he tried to talk but I told him not too because it would hurt him still so we shall see what tomorrow brings. The nuerologists are doing tests still so I dont know where that is going but, they also said he shows great improvement.

Exciting I know...I think all of your prayers are working. Keep em comin'

Love you guys all...thanks for all the support...I will send updates whenever I can.

and then on Aug 17 she updated again:
Well, today is not as good as yesterday...he is tired...I mean, REALLLYYYYYYYY TIRED so I am hoping it is just that but he is not doing what we ask (probably just being stubborn), and is not trying to lick me today (though I did get a kiss...sort of). Anyways...they want him to rest so for now, i guess...I watch him sleep...LOL

Hopefully tomorrow will be brighter again.

As you can see she is really trying to stay posative and she makes some jokes but in her personal e-mails to me she has really been a wreck. Please keep Jeff in your toughts and prayers as well as Ellen and the kids.

2006-08-12T13:53:00.000-04:00

Worried about a couple friend today.

My one friend just got married and she is sad that it doesn't "feel" different and that her husband is not home a lot.

My other friend sent me the following e-mail about her fiance yesterday. I have been keeping in contact and the only change is that he opened his eyes once but that's about it.

I am using a computer at the Hospital for a minute just so I can give you all an update.

Here is exactly what happened...Jeff has not been well recently. I did convince him to go to the hospital finally on Sunday morning way in the early morning hours and they admitted him. They gave him antibiotics and monitored him etc. Then they released him On Tuesday morning around 11 and he seemed to be doing fine. He spent the day with his dad and Taylor and after work I went to pick him up. We went to a few car dealerships just to look around and see what was new...get him a little fresh air and a bit of excercise, nothing strenuous, just walking...he still was fine. We went home and he went outside to light the bar-b-q, when he came back in he grabbed a glass of juice and was joking with my mom about getting a regular excercise schedule/routine going...no more laying around etc. He grabbed at his upper stomach like he had a pain then he seemed dizzy cause he grabbed the dishwasher for balance. I was behind him cleaning out the fridge, I heard my mom say something and I turned to see what was going on just intime to catch him as he fell backwards. Amazingly, I did not drop him...I was very proud of myself for that one...he is a tad larger then me afterall. Anyways, I gently laid him down and looked at me...his eyes roled back in his head and he gasped once then gurgled....I yelled at my mom to go call 911 and screamed for Jeffs dad who was outside....he strated going blue in the face and around his lips and I really started to panic....Bob made it in the house quickly and I'm sure I alarmed all the neighbours to the problem because we all know I have a huge mouth when I need too...LOL Anyways, we started CPR and the paramedics were there I would guess within approx. 10 minutes, they took over and had to use the paddles on his chest... They put a tube through his nose and into his lungs to help him breath, regulated his heart and took him to Bowmanville Hospital...They then airlifted him to Toronto General which is where we still are...he was too sick for them to handle...they say though that the CPR saved his life...so I say I get a lifetime pass, free of any complaints, and he can never bitch at me again...I am sure he will agree when he finally wakes up.

He is on a resusitation system so it helps him with his breathing, his left lung has collapsed and is slowly refilling on its own...that is a good sign. Wednesday they had to use the paddles on him twice through the night and then about 15 to 20 times just before noon yesterday because his heart was beating in a way that could have killed him...they used the paddles so much and gave him the drugs to slow his heart down that once it actually took, they had to put a wire in his leg up to his heart and attach a pace maker because his heart beat was then too slow.

Thursday, they took him for a test on his lungs to find out why it collapsed as well as see if it going to get better, and another chest x-ray as well, then they stopped sedating him to give him the chance to come out of his coma and allow the neurologists to see if there is any damage there. They are unsure what will happen...it does not look that great but there is still hope...we still have to wait 72 hours from when they stopped sedation to see what happens...the tests yesterday show that there is brain stem activity but nothing in his actual brain. We have come to discover that the reason for the collapse was a clot in his heart. Pneumonia probably added to the stress and a combination caused the lung collapse.

I promise to keep you all informed of any updates...especially now that I know I can sneak in and use this computer every once in a while. Whatever you all do...please do not ask me to explain this in person because each time I try, I ball....it is just too hard to say all this out oud....it just makes it that much more real, you know? Anyways...I will talk to you all as soon as I know something more.

Ellen

2006-08-11T10:24:00.000-04:00

Can you believe I have been accused of being a "blogslacker" lol ok so I know it's true. It's been busy with the move and work - which I am not even going to get into at the moment. But I am starting to get settled - ok if that were true would I have had a full car for the last week and a half? Oh Beth your mission should you choose to accept it is to get all the stuff OUT of your car THIS WEEKEND - sigh. Maybe I should go for a swim in the communal pool today? I want to beat the children there and from what I have observed there is never anyone in the pool when it first opens. Hmmmmm - I could be on to something lol. I feel like I just ran out of things to say all of a sudden lol...I guess thats a sign to get moving!

2006-08-03T10:22:00.000-04:00

I have been far too busy to update you all but I survived another move on a day where it was WAY too hot to be alive let alone move things into a non air conditioned house.I had to finally break down and go buy one because I have never sweated that much in my life. I digusted myself lol. Anyway now comes the task of unpacking and I must admit that seems a little nerve wracking too because well when you have moved as much as I have you become a little skeptical that places will work out. It does feel strange living with someone again. But I mean durring the last 12 years I have slept at the Laings house enough and been to enough of their family functions to feel like Steve is like a brother to me so I feel I can trust him not to screw me over like other room mates. Anyway such is life I have that song from Annie in my head right now

"I think I'm gonnnnnnaaaaaaa liiiiiiike it heeeeeeeeeeeeere"

Anyway apart from that work is - well ya
I am going to be looking for a new job harder then ever. I still have not heard back from a job I applied to through Lorraine but I hope I do soon