You know what I need?
I need to be assertive
Especially in my job (I will spare you the ever so monotonous yet ever so frustrating details)
Why is that so difficult for me?
In a web page I was just looking at about assertivness it says this:

"Assertiveness basically means the ability to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly states your needs and keeps the lines of communication open with the other" (The Wellness Workbook, Ryan and Travis). However, before you can comfortably express your needs, you must believe you have a legitimate right to have those needs. Keep in mind that you have the following rights:
The right to decide how to lead your life. This includes pursuing your own goals and dreams and establishing your own priorities.
The right to your own values, beliefs, opinions, and emotions -- and the right to respect yourself for them, no matter the opinion of others.
The right not to justify or explain your actions or feelings to others.
The right to tell others how you wish to be treated.
The right to express yourself and to say "No," "I don't know," "I don't understand," or even "I don't care." You have the right to take the time you need to formulate your ideas before expressing them.
The right to ask for information or help -- without having negative feelings about your needs.
The right to change your mind, to make mistakes, and to sometimes act illogically -- with full understanding and acceptance of the consequences.
The right to like yourself even though you're not perfect, and to sometimes do less than you are capable of doing.
The right to have positive, satisfying relationships within which you feel comfortable and free to express yourself honestly -- and the right to change or end relationships if they don't meet your needs.
The right to change, enhance, or develop your life in any way you determine.
When you don't believe you have these rights -- you may react very passively to circumstances and events in your life. When you allow the needs, opinions, and judgments of others to become more important than your own, you are likely to feel hurt, anxious, and even angry. This kind of passive or nonassertive behavior is often indirect, emotionally dishonest and self-denying.


sorry it did not cut and paste right but I did not want to go in and change it all lol. I have to realize that I determine and develop my life and how I act. I just don't understand though why it feels so gross to me to do that when other friends just seem to make it look natural. I feel secretly jealous of that. I too want to live a somewhat selfish life in that way

perhaps it IS true that practice DOES make perfect

from my perspective....asking for a raise to be paid what I am worth is scaring the snot out of me