Job interview downtown on thursday - I hope it's worth the drive

www.driventoquit.ca

Now how is that for some incentive to quit smoking! The deal is this you find yourself a non smoking buddy (sorry everyone my most constant nag to quit -Tabitha -is my buddy hey she should get something for daily telling me to quit!) and then you have to quit from April 1st to may 1st of this year to be eligable to win a car!!! Ok so the names are drawn randomly then they call your buddy to ask if you are telling the truth then take a urine test and batta boom badda bing you win a car and your buddy wins like 300 bucks or something!! So anyone who smokes should hurry up the dedline to sign up is tomorrow. It's going to be hard but you know - I can't afford it anyway

Tonight was my second night helping over at Typhoon and southside youth. Typhoon was fun we had games and candy and stuff. South side was good too we are learning spiritual lessons from Napolean Dynomite. Tonights was his dance scene and we learned about following our hearts. What a fun way to tell kids about God. We even had our own dance off! It was great! 

Some days I just don't know what to say
Some days I don't understand the master plan
is there even a master plan?
or do we make it up as we go along ?

Some times it doesn't make sense
a person can only be stretched so much
is there a breaking point

I REALLY want to believe in myself
I REALLY want to believe in God
I REALLY want to believe in God in me

If ever I needed some answers
no not answers - solutions

I need to figure out what I am doing wrong
and then do the opposite

I need to learn how to pray
I need to learn how to receive
I need to learn period

Is it true that when you reach the end of the rope that God is your safety net and if so is there a safe way to find out for sure?

I hate not feeling safe. I am so frustrated with myself at the moment because these are answers I SHOULD know and things that SHOULD have been applied to my life a LONG time ago

from my perspective....I think I am missing something

SwImMiNg In A SeA oF jOb PoStInGs
UtTeRlY uNhApPy ToDaY wItH wOrK
i Am NoT sTuPiD oR rEtArDeD tHaNk YoU vErY mUcH

i Do NoT nEeD yOu To ThAnK mE
bUt It WoUlD bE nIcE
i DoN't NeEd YoUr ReCoGnItIoN
bUt A lItTlE wOuLd Be NiCe

ok - Lord you either have to help me get another job or clue me in to what your plan for me is there because I am lost

Ok Jeffy here is your honorable mention - not like you asked for it or anything ;) but regardless of that I love this picture of us even though you don't lol 

Just showing our good buddy Roxy how to post pictures! 

Rainy days and Mondays get me down

LOL

Welcome to a typical crazy busy Monday
It is getting harder and harder to get my sorry bum out of bed these days

I treasure my quick visits with Rox durring the day
a small gesture to bring me a coffee in the middle of the day
but its one of those simple things that makes me smile

On stressful days I try to think of those things
puppies
roxy's coffee runs
Pastor Jamie's "your Momma" answer at the price is right game for Typhoon

I am seeing more and more everyday how I love to laugh
if I could just laugh more at work I think I would not feel so stressed
actually make that in life in general lol

Oh, I almost forgot! I get this MSN message last night from someone named Lisa and I was thinking who is Lisa right? Well it turns out my friend back home met her and I somehow came into the conversation and this girl Lisa is my very first best friend from Kidegardin all the way to about grade 6. It was really nice to play catch up and exchange recent pictures and talk about our old birthday partys and make believe plays we would put on for our moms. We went to brownies together then girl guides. I am thankful for reunions.

from my perspective....i remember that there are things to smile about

Ok I know this is not a profound thing or anything but my neighbor got a new puppy and he is so adorable! He is all black and like a little truck lol. His name is Max and I think he is some kind of a lab. He's gonna be a big fella! For some reason simple things like this make me smile. So I went to church today and it was really encouraging. I guess at times I struggle with all the stupid things I have done and said this last little while and then think well why would God love me or heal me or use me. Pastor Jamie spoke about the Peter's, the David's and the Moses's. God uses the screw ups too - in fact - when he uses the screw ups, it actually proves that GOD moved. Because in their own power these people were nothing and could not do it. I am not sure if that makes as much sense as when he said it lol but I am content in knowing that when God works through me all the "props" will go to him because lets face it people - Beth can't do much of anything on her own but mess up. I will stand on that and learn everyday to embrace it

From my perspective....simple truths are encouraging

O the dragons are gonna fly tonight
They're circling low and inside tonight
It's another round in the losing fight
Out along the great divide tonight
We are aging soldiers in an ancient war
Seeking out some half remembered shore
We drink our fill and still we thirst for more
Asking if there's no heaven what is this hunger for?
Our path is worn our feet are poorly shod
We lift up our prayer against the odds
And fear the silence is the voice of God
And we cry Allelujah Allelujah
We cry Allelujah
Sorrow is constant and the joys are brief
The seasons come and bring no sweet relief
Time is a brutal but a careless theif
Who takes our lot but leaves behind the grief
It is the heart that kills us in the end
Just one more old broken bone that cannot mend
As it was now and ever shall be amen
And we cry Allelujah Allelujah
We cry Allelujah
So there'll be no guiding light for you and me
We are not sailors lost out on the sea
We were always headed toward eternity
Hoping for a glimpse of Gaililee
Like falling stars from the universe we are hurled
Down through the long loneliness of the world
Until we behold the pain become the pearl
Cryin´ Allelujah Allelujah
We cry Allelujah
And we cry Allelujah Allelujah
We cry Allelujah

-EmmyLou Harris (also sung by Jacob Moon)

www.jacobmoon.com Went with Roxy last night to hear Jacob Moon play in ajax. This was the 2nd time I have heard him play. He is SOOO talented. His voice is as smooth as peanut butter on hot toast (lol I just made that up) and his guitar skills are well they are just amazing! If you have time you NEED to check him out! And he is cute lol he does these cute little sholder wiggles and gets up on his tippy tioes when he plays lol I love watching people who FEEL the music like that. It was just super! 

Ok So I was just about to write a blog on here to make fun of the fact Angela's ex got kicked off of the VJ search but that darn Christa beat me to it lol - if anyone saw it hello! Can we say the super model basically interviewed him. But as funny as that seems to me at the moment I feel a strange sense of sadness - Pathetic I know - BUT WAIT! One of the losers wil get voted back

Hang in there Timmy boy lol
don't lose hope LMAO

AAAAAAANYWAY!

thank goodness it's friday and that I made it through another work week and you know something? This whole attitude check I have been doing seems to be working.......although I feel like there is a monster hiding around a corner I will cherish all the compliments that I am getting from my boss and the clients!

feeling tired
need a hug or a cuddle

what a long day.
I did get a lot done
I am daily trying to remind myself that I am doing this unto the Lord.
I daily need an attitude adjustment lol

It's hard to explore options when you are not really sure what options are out there
I know it's time to change and move on and maybe move physically
however I am just not too sure where I would go and to what?

I am not going to discuss my options here
I am learning that in a relationship some things should be private
I never gave my relationship with God that kind of respect before
I never believed in myself enough to really KNOW that I was hearing from God
I think that life choices need to be made between myself and God

Sure some advise from Godly people is ok
I just want to make my own choices and then learn to grow from mistakes I make
on my own

Making mistakes does not automatically equal failure
failure means that you never stopped to learn from the mistakes you make
making a mistake is not a horrible thing
I always got failure and mistakes mixed up

Now it's time to live, make mistakes and come out with knowledge

ok that is all I am going to ramble on about for now lol

this photo is from SXC a great stock photo site - if you want the link let me know.  

I met the 2 newest members of Life Church Oshawa this morning. How could you not fall in love with these beautiful people! Welcome to the world Ethan and Hannah Benight! 

no laughing at me ok but hey it was the early 90's - it was not my fault! 

Me and dad back in 1980something 

Good Sunday Morning everyone.

I am just about to get dressed and head off to church. I am excited about a lot of things these days. Ideas, thoughts - I am starting to dream again. It was a dark year but it's over now. I still cry for him and all the things I went through but now the tears are because I know it's final. It's ok. I cry because more and more I am ok about that. 1 year ago this very day was my Dad's funeral. the last time I ever saw his face. But it wasn't him. I couldn't bear to look. He was gone. It was just a body that kinda resembled him but his essence was gone. His spirit. It was so hard this last year to accept that. I guess I am starting to accept it so I am begining to move past it? I don't know how it's supposed to work - but it's ok. Anyway. I am thankful to have had him in my life - even when most of the time it was painful knowing him. It is the few rare moments that he made me smile that I will forever cling to. Well, time to get my butt in gear and get going but I am adding a photo as a tribute to my dad.

BY GEORGE I THINK I'VE GOT IT!!!!
I think I have figured this blog thing out - insert the hallelujah chorus here!!!!!
I think this site could have a lot more to offer me then my blurty - oh but why does it feel like I am cheating on my blurty lol. Well time for bed so I will write more tomorrow.

This is me trying to understand even how to write an entry into my blog. I have now figured out how to add a picture but man - It should not be this hard - save me Jesus lol 

help me