You know what I need?
I need to be assertive
Especially in my job (I will spare you the ever so monotonous yet ever so frustrating details)
Why is that so difficult for me?
In a web page I was just looking at about assertivness it says this:

"Assertiveness basically means the ability to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly states your needs and keeps the lines of communication open with the other" (The Wellness Workbook, Ryan and Travis). However, before you can comfortably express your needs, you must believe you have a legitimate right to have those needs. Keep in mind that you have the following rights:
The right to decide how to lead your life. This includes pursuing your own goals and dreams and establishing your own priorities.
The right to your own values, beliefs, opinions, and emotions -- and the right to respect yourself for them, no matter the opinion of others.
The right not to justify or explain your actions or feelings to others.
The right to tell others how you wish to be treated.
The right to express yourself and to say "No," "I don't know," "I don't understand," or even "I don't care." You have the right to take the time you need to formulate your ideas before expressing them.
The right to ask for information or help -- without having negative feelings about your needs.
The right to change your mind, to make mistakes, and to sometimes act illogically -- with full understanding and acceptance of the consequences.
The right to like yourself even though you're not perfect, and to sometimes do less than you are capable of doing.
The right to have positive, satisfying relationships within which you feel comfortable and free to express yourself honestly -- and the right to change or end relationships if they don't meet your needs.
The right to change, enhance, or develop your life in any way you determine.
When you don't believe you have these rights -- you may react very passively to circumstances and events in your life. When you allow the needs, opinions, and judgments of others to become more important than your own, you are likely to feel hurt, anxious, and even angry. This kind of passive or nonassertive behavior is often indirect, emotionally dishonest and self-denying.


sorry it did not cut and paste right but I did not want to go in and change it all lol. I have to realize that I determine and develop my life and how I act. I just don't understand though why it feels so gross to me to do that when other friends just seem to make it look natural. I feel secretly jealous of that. I too want to live a somewhat selfish life in that way

perhaps it IS true that practice DOES make perfect

from my perspective....asking for a raise to be paid what I am worth is scaring the snot out of me

I have JUST discovered that you DON'T need to download hello to post pics on here man I am learning so for all you zoe lovers out there this is for you - ZOE BLOGS! lol

Meant To Live - Switchfoot

Fumbling his confidence And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments And failed attempts to fly, fly
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open Maybe we're bent and broken, broken
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah
We were meant to live for so much more Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live We were meant to live

Ok!!! I have been given the go ahead to tell people this information now!
I am soooooo excited to be the one to blab the news!

Ryan and Joanne Freisen (nee Laing) are expecting baby number 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joanne is due at the end of November

this will be a little brother or (I hope) sister for Joshy and Adam!

Just wanted to give everyone who knows them the heads up!!

Ok I ALMOST figured out how to add links to the sidebar but it made my picture go to the bottom of the page and you saw the Whole URL not just "whatever Page"

a little help here??!!!


from my perspective....this is frustrating lol

I've been feeling chalanged lately to cut the crap so to speak.
I am sick of just having a light and fluffy blog
I want to still have some fluff but I want to talk about things that matter
Make people aware of things that I think are important

For instance Angela has started a blog

http://4africa.blogspot.com/

See! That's the kind of thing I am talking about. If you feel strongly about something then get off your duff and DO something - no matter how small you think it may be. Now I know not everyone is concerned with what is going on in Africa, India, or wherever.......(they SHOULD be) but whatever you feel strongly about be it Animal rights or the state of the union - I don't care - think of some way you can contribute.

Don't be like someone who doesn't vote yet feels the right to complain about politics
Don't be the person who bashes an author and what they stand for without having read their book.

BE EMPOWERED
IF THE WORLD IS GOING TO CHANGE AT ALL WE ALL NEED TO DO SOMETHING

Ok I feel like I am on a soap box at the moment
but I for one am tired of watching movies like born into brothels and hotel rwanda and shedding my tears...we CAN do something - we just have to live a little more creativley

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!

thanks to Angela and Mike for your inspiration lol

thats right kiss your money maker! 

funny 

nice buddy 

The following photos are what happens when you leave your camera laying around and leave rox alone lol - thats what you get lol 

It was nice to see you as I drove through the parking lot christa
I like stopping to chat with you
(even if you did catch me smoking again lol)

you love me anyway....sorry about ashing all over you

love you!

oh my word I just found the funniest preaching blooper ever! Poor guy was mortified but man it's good for a laugh! Check it out!

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/dirtypreacher.html

my neighbor's puppy is soooooo cute I HAD to post a picture! This is Max 

Ok so 2 days in a row now roxy has come into my house, said hello, watched TV and all while I remained sleeping like a log...uh, I have a problem with that lol

not with roxy but it could have been a burgler and I would just keep snoring away lol

man!

from my perspective...I sleep too soundly

I picked up my new bed yesterday and let me tell you I actually slept the whole night without waking up multiple times. My sholders are not in pain at all (well a tiny bit but I woke up in a weird position lol)

I did not want to get out of bed this morning at all!

I am really glad roxy has so many connections! This one was a good one!

Ok well I JUST woke up and I don't think I am really awake - shower time

Ok first off thanks for the reply Christa it was sweet!

I don't know just how I pulled it off but basically it looks as though I have an open invitation to work at Durham Contact Centre lol. I e-mailed the lady who hired me and let her know of my situation and I am welcome in the next training class - or even the one after that.....wow!

I have to run upstairs and ask my brother if he will help me carry my new free bed into the house when my aunt helps me pick it up....thanks to rox for finding that for me

I am still struggling to find a place to live but I have a potential spot in a bachelor basement apartment in my aunts friends house.

Trying still to not be angry with my mom because I know that she ultimatley would have let me however, I felt very unwanted like I was an intrution or something.

whatever

from my perspective....I hope this all comes together

Ok so I have a few requests to blog about Canada's newest VJ Tim DUHgan - er I mean Deegan.
Yes, it's true he is representing the good ol Shwa. But the question does remain is do we want that kind of representation?! I mean it is fun and all that we know his ex girlfriend but she is famous in her own right so that cancels out that point. It was really quite funny to hear all the girls chanting "He's so hot, he's so cool, his hair is rad and he makes us druel" OH PLEASE!

"like, um, like, well I'm tim and um like I am Canada's newest VJ and um thank you all for like voting for me and I um want to like work real hard to um like make canada proud"

Welcome to the wonderful world of brainless tv Canada
You JUST proved that societies steriotype is no longer a steriotype

beauty is more appealing then actual talent

I'm Sorry Sean and Nikki - but I am sure you are better off anyway

Ok there is my rant about that lol

I will fill all of you in on the details of my new job soon
I now have 2 jobs (I am going to attempt to remain on at tigertel part time - we'll see I am stepping down today - YIKES)

But it is better this way because my doctor last week put me off on stress leave with a percription that states "Beth is unfit to work" LOL I am just unfit in general but whatever. I went to see her for an update this morning and she thinks it is way better for me the way I am going now. I was having nightmares that I was gettnig in trouble and fired all the time - I could not even escape work in my sleep and it was making me physically ill even. So this is good. I hope that things get better now.

from my perspective.....i feel hopeful for me and doom for much music lol

oops this one did not go on right the first time 

Beth and Jeff 

Beth and Meaghan 

Beffy and Jeffy 

I know that my 30th birthday was at the end of February but my friend Meaghan just sent me these (I did not have any photos at all) So here are some scenes from my 30th birthday bash! First one is the world famous RRRRRROXY 

I'll post some pics if I can get them off Roxy's camera phone but what a good time even though we stood outside in the cold and rain for 3 hours we were right in front of the outside stage and I GOT PINK'S AUTOGRAPH!! She was like RIGHT in front of us! Fun times and now I am SOOOOOO tired but I am trying to stay awake as long as I can because I am doing weekend midnights tomorrow and sunday -YIKES!

Tonight live at much music 7pm 

Going to see Pink live at Much Music tonight with Roxy, Jeff and Jeremey
looking forward to it but I hope the weather is a little nicer

I couldn't sleep very well last night

I hope this matress deal I am trying to make works out

even though it would mean moving from a double bed to a single bed

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freecycledurhamregion/

what a great idea!

For all of you not in durham region

www.freecycle.com

Oh man lol

I went to the pool this morning because I am working tonight and can't go this evening and let me tell you it was like a sea of old "floaters"

Let me explain just what I mean when I say floaters lol

these consist mostly of grey haired women who I am not sure why they are at the pool because all they do is float on flotation devices in the deep end

Now I am not usually so anal about things like this but if you are going to be a floater I think you should at least float to the side of the pool but noooooo they were spread out so that I could not swim a lap without moving around one of them.

Yes, it's true that there are lanes set up for lap swimmers but I am not the fastest swimmer (no olympic gold metals for this chick lol) and well there is a fast, medium and slow lane and again the slow lane was jam packed so I tried to go in the medium lane and felt like I was trying to run away from a dog chasing me. I got in 6 laps and called it quits - old people perplex me

from my perspective....a sea olf blue hair is frustrating lol

Picture this if you will - question from the crowd:

"Tim, if you are chosen to be the next Much VJ, who do you hope to interview first"

Beth:

*yells* "ANGELA WALLACE!!!!!!'

Come on Tim - keep it real man it's the LEAST you can do lol

Hook an old friend up, get her some exposure lol

man!

from my perspective....tim is lucky all the girls voted him back in

I know that I should not find pleasure in someone else's mistakes but man it felt good today

My boss sent me these billing reports that I get monthly then I have to cross check them to the invoice the client received. With me so far? Ok well there is one client that has 4 different accounts that I have to do this for and I was cross checking them and things were not adding up so in I trod to Paul's office with the invoice and tally's and tell him they are not adding. He then used a 4 letter word (starting with the letter f) and said well I guess I will have to do them then....implying yet again that I am "stupid or retarded" I said well I checked them 3 times and it's just not adding do you have any suggestions of something I might have missed? He said no so feeling kinda really crappy at this point I go back to my office just to check one more time and I looked at the dates and he had SENT ME THE MONTH PRIOR'S REPORTS!!!! So I was adding them right but he sent me the WRONG REPORTS!!!!

I tried to sound as polite as possible and not overly humored when I trotted back in and advised him of his error and that the correct reports do add up tee hee hee

Anyway....I can't take much more of his verbal abuse but I just don't get it some days he is as nice as anything and the next he is belittling me. I like him and I hate him and I don't like that feeling a whole lot. I have an option that I am going to look into and if it is what God has planned for me which a lot of me hopes it is then I will update you when that time comes but until then I think its best left unsaid :) Just pray that I am wise while making this choice. Thanks!

from my perspective....i feel slightly smug :P

I have been trying to motivate myself to do some house work around here this afternoon but I can't seem to get some things off my mind. and then I sit back down at the computer and it's not making me feel much better really. I am not entirley certain why I am feeling so "ho hum" I mean I do have some things in my life at the moment which are more pressingly stressful but I mean I have to keep reminding myself that I am ok so far and that things could be a lot worse for me - I know that first hand.

I find myself missing Angela at this moment.
We always find away of making jokes out of hard things and she always makes me smile.

On a fun note church today was fun!
I was slightly disappointed that there were not a whole lot of typhoon or southside kids out but I had fun playing family feud - even though the guys were such cheaters lol (I pushed the button way before Gil lol *insert Llama face here* that one is an inside joke with me and Gil lol)

But really i just want to take a little time out here to get somewhat sappy on Christa
I know that I have only just started helping and have only been to 2 thursday nights but I really realized that this is what Christa was born to do. As soon as she steps into the room with those kids something changes with her. I am very proud of her and the work she does so relentlessly for those semi forgotten kids and I just wanted to say that!

Ok well I think I better get back to trying to clean
and just when I said that the song I dare you to move started playing lol
a sign from God to clean my house!