in all fairness I need to say a friend of mine brought up the following concerning information about the flu shot that I have never seen in any of the documents I have read. I think it is so important that we research ALL the facts and I thought I would add his information now -

"The best protection from infectious diseases (and the flu) is a robust immune system and healthy daily habits - NOT the flu shot.In fact, if you have taken the flu shot more than 8 times in the last 10 years you have an 80% chance of getting Alzheimers. Now THERE'S an encouraging fact!That said, get the facts about the flu shot. Although it's becoming increasingly difficult to separate facts from the hype created by the media and the government, the facts are out there.There are potential dangers to the flu vaccine. Two years ago I had a reation to the flu shot that made my head spin for 6 weeks - literally. I experienced Benign Positional Vertigo within 24 hours of the shot and I couldn't get out of bed.I would encourage you to do some research and consider visiting a Naturopathic Doctor. There are alternatives for staying healthy and you should look into them. "

So be very thorough in your research because I had NO IDEA. Not like any of you would have run out and got a flu shot just because I said to or anything lol. Just be informed!

just a quick note

surgery was done today

did NOT enjoy any part of it

have the flu to top it off

goodnight irene I am off to bed

I wish that the flu shots were not delayed - They are just starting to administer them to the long term health care facilities. Still not available to the common folk like us. I believe I am coming down with a flu/cold. I am such a flu shot advocatate too - I think they should have at least sent me one for being so preachy about getting a flu shot. Sigh. I go through spurts of tiredness and general run down feavery type symptoms. I sound like ScoobyDoo in the morning and I have a scratchy "gunky" throat. Maybe it is a low immune system from stress or working too much but I just want it gone. I cannot afford to call in sick tomorrow - I only had 3 shifts this week because I am getting my eye surgery on Thursday. Anyway - GET YOUR FLU SHOTS AS SOON AS YOU CAN!

from my perspective...i need a nap

2 days away from oshawa
not enough
back at work right now

had fun times with rox and her grandma "if ya know what I mean" lol we said that after just about every sentance and even had grandma saying it too lol

too funny

had some "video therapy" on the drive home and put the video camera on the dashboard lol man we are really quite funny - maybe you would not think so but I really don't care lol

bed time stories
"I'll never sit on a slot machine chair again"
going for a drive to tims listening to dane and laughing histerically while the guys in the car next to us try to listen in - sheesh buy your own cd lol
singing like opera stars
literal actions - "some say loooooove it is a razer..."

I felt like I was a mess - pretty sure I looked like it too but Roxy didn't mention it and for that I am happy

pretty sad when you look forward to eye surgery to get away

from my perspective....i am tired

"missing: Crazy Old Times Beth - wanted alive - reward"

a quote from Tammy and Roxy


Yes, it is true, I can admit it. I am no longer the person I used to be. It's good to have friends to remind me that they miss the crazy old times me. How I was. Spontanious, photo taking, crazy, fun me. It is troublesome to have a mini intervention on my behalf - having my friends worry about my stress level and actually tell me they are taking me away even just for a road trip. I see the concern in their eyes and I know I work a lot - too much and I know work makes me cry and hurt and feel like puking. I don't know how I ever got to this point in my life where I do this. Answer the phone every time it rings, scared for my job if I don't work 10 days without a day off, where I actually permit them to question why I am not putting off things like eye surgery to suit their staffing coverage needs. When I stand up for myself getting the run around or being told somehow I MUST have been responcible - "approching the situation in the wrong way" - uh sorry I am going blind let me rethink how else I could approach that WITHOUT having to take time off for a surgery - WHAT EVER WAS I THINKING??

sigh

from my perspective...smashing on call cell phones and punching people is NOT an option...is it?

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Well here's a good update lol

When I worked at minacs about 2 years ago I had a friend there who was also into photography and I made a deal with him and paid him 750 dollars in installments for his medium format camera. He started having some stress issues and attendance problems and then stopped coming to work altogether and well I never got the camera from him. I searched high and low to track him down and then just figured I had lost my money and tried to move on and forget about it. Anyway last night I was browzing through friends of my friends on myspace - ok ok I was bored and all and I happened to see his picture. My jaw dropped open and I sent him a nice little note asking about the camera and he replied to me today and he asked me where I want him to drop it off to me. I know it does not seem like much but this is the best thing that has happened to me lately. I'll probably just turn around and sell the camera now but I also asked him if he was still selling his digital slr - perhaps he would give me that one instead - that would be even better. Either way I am just glad that after 2 years I am finally able to be peaceful about that whole situation. So thats my story for today and I am glad

It's been a little while since I wrote something so I thought maybe I should

Not sure what to say though

I had a job opportunity that came up but unfortunatley I did not get it

I went to my friends birthday dinner last night that was fun it was good to see some people I had not seen in a long time

I am feeling the urge to travel again and just get away from here and relax but I cannot afford to go anywhere.

Ok this has got to be one of the more pointless blogs I have written it's just nothing exciting has happened to me in a little while so I am not so sure what to say

from my perspective...i miss the sunshine

The final update.

My friend Ellen's Fiance Jeff passed away today.
He was in his early 30's (maybe 31)
He has a young son and Ellen's daughter who was like a step daughter.

There will be a "celebration of Jeff's life"
Held this Saturday in Jeff's favorite pub in Bowmanville
He is being cremated and the actual funeral will just be family.

Please continue to pray or send good thoughts out for Ellen and Jeff's family.
It's been devistating to them.

To think this started out as a cold that turned into pnumonia which turned fatal

makes you think

from my perspective...i am heartbroken for my friend

the latest update on my friend Ellen's fiance Jeff for those of you who have been asking - please pray if you pray and if you don't please at least think good thoughts for them:

I finally had the meeting with the ethics guy and we have convinced his dad to agree with myself and his mom that Jeff deserves better then this. His quality of life is not good at all and he shows no signs of getting any better. The doctors all agree that his prognosis is pretty bad and that any improvements he does make will be minimal so, we have all agrred to remove his heart meds and let nature take its course.

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I cry a lot but I know that this is the one thing that I can actually do for him...it is the ONLY thing I can do for him and it is what he wanted. That he expressed prior to this incident the fact that he never wanted to be this way made everything a lot easier then it would have been otherwise so my advice to all of you is to write it down somewhere and give it to your family members because this could have happened to anyone...the ethics guy said he sees it every day and it is super hard on the families who are left behind...it is much harder when they have different opinions on what should be done...so...like I said...write it down and make sure people know what your choices are...I am sure that had Jeff not told someone other then just me...his dad would have fought me every inch of the way...he was just in denial and hoping for the best but it clouded his judgement for a while...you know?!

Anyways...to make a long story short...I am guessing that I will be hosting a funeral at some point within the next two weeks, but that is hard to call because it still all comes down to Jeff and his body's reactions to things so...I will let you all know if anything should happen...

from my perspective...this is such a hard thing for anyone to deal with or go through my heart breaks for her and the family so please remember them

Can you believe someone threw coffee all over my car in my work parking lot? See this happened a couple days ago but I was not certain, however, a guy that lives across the street in the apartments that I chat with when he walks his dog said he saw them do it. Nice eh

life must be pretty boring when you have to preform random acts of coffee throwing

jerks

Why is it so cold out - that just does not seem right
My toes feel like toecycles lol

went for lunch with Cheryl today
poor thing has such a bad cold and can't take anything for it
so we went to shoppers drug mart after and got her some
vitamin C (not the singer lol)

Tabitha wants me to go to the marsh with her tomorrow so she can see the turkey's
I told her friend or not if they came running she's on her own I'm outta there lol

Today is my last day on call - THANK GOD!
It's only been a week but it feels like a whole month

I have been working insane amounts and I can't wait just to get my days off and not have to talk to anyone from work

oh the joys of managment meetings they don't tell me about
or someone else doing the schedule and not even looking at peoples time off requests
then taking their day off only to let me deal with the complaints
then when I redo the schedule and post it for them to take it down and say it's not right
but not giving me a reason besides we need more coverage on wednesday because of the managment meeting - uh what meeting? I still don't know


from my perspective....i want a vacation

Ok so I thought I would share this little story with you all! Today is my day off so I thought hey, I'm gonna go out and see if I can get some good pictures for the Flickr assignment (on line photography group I am in). So I thought ok I will go to the Lynde Marsh in Whitby there is a lot of fun to be had there hand feeding the chipmunks and birds. So I stop at the store and buy a big bag of peanuts and head on over. So I was strolling along stopping every so often to play with the chipmunks and watch them shove peanuts in their cheeks and I kept hearing these unfarmiliar sounds that I figured was just the squirrels squacking - they do that you know. and so I venture deeper into the woods and start shaking the bag of peanuts to get the attention of all the critters when something catches my eye - somethings I should say and they are running straight at me - what in the world are they I think? Cranes?? oh my gosh they are getting really close - vultures? at this point I start backing up when I noticed there are like 6 of them - they are still running right at me - GOBBLE?? WHAT!! at this point I whipped the remaining peanuts at them and see a pack of wild turkeys pause to eat them and I HAD to snap a picture lol to prove it and then they started running at me again....I have never run so fast I was being chased out of the forrest by a pack of wild turkeys lol I passed a mother and her daughter and just said GOOOOOTURKEYS and we all booked it. I scared the little girl unfortunatley but once out of the forrest I could not stop laughing which makes it hard to catch your breath - will post the picture as soon as it is developed. Who knew assignments could be so dangerous?!

These are not the ones that were after me but they look exactly like them and there were about just as many lol

from my perspective...the marsh will never feel safe again lol

I moved the car this morning to go to church then descided I was too tired having worked 16 hours yesterday and then called in again this morning for a couple hours before finding someone else to come in and I parked on the road directly in front of my house because steve was in the drive way and there was no visitor parking and when I came out to go to work again I had a 75$ ticket for parking in a fire route


from my perspective...i should have gone to church

I should have knocked on wood or crossed my fingers or something because the midnight girl called in sick about 5 minutes after I posted my last blog - so I THINK I have it covered but nothing better go wrong tomorrow or I am jumping off the roof of my building onto someone's car lol - jokes but for real I will lose it

8 hours done - 8 more to go

I work too much

wish list:

that no one else would call in sick this weekend

that rent and car would pay for themselves so I could stay home and be a couch potatoe for a little while

that I would feel more appreciated

that I would know the words to say to express myself more assertivley (spelling??)

that the more you work the more you get what you want

for Roxy to win cash for life so she could take me on a vacation like she said she would - Roxy: "where do you want to go?" Beth: "you are talking and planning like you have already won" LOL

for my bed - I am soooooooo sleepy

that I would stop thinking that everyone at work craps on me

that I would start trying to remember that somehow, some way, hard work pays off - even when you are not getting a raise or better hours or weekends off


speaking of wishes the cutest thing yesterday my room mate's daughter said "Daddy? What do you wish for?" "grown up stuff Naomi - what do you wish for?" "skittles in a bowl" We all laughed

How simple things can be sometimes!

from my perspective...skittles in a bowl sound alright to me too

After I posted that first blog today I remembered how I wanted to write about the interesting souls that made me giggle today so here's to:

* the old man with the red plaid suit jacket, tan pants, white socks and black shoes
* the old man with a brown suit jacket and floral pants
* the young guy that looks like Napolean Dynomite who squats in front of tim hortons smoking cigarette butts that he finds on the ground
* the old man who looks like santa but dresses like a woman - wow did I do a double take white beard and all!

Sometimes I think living in Oshawa is dull and then I take a look around and am oddly thankful for these interesting splashes of colour that spice up the town. I think maybe people make fun of them or are creeped out by them because they are different, weird, not fitting into what society deems as "right". But really, how right would the world be if we were all the same? Maybe I was more blessed then I realized at the time to grow up the way I did. My dad being a pastor in a small town and he seemed to be the "weirdo magnet" He befriended so many odd or unlovable people. I like that I find amusment in looking at these people but even still I think they are special and am glad they are painting my town!

from my perspective...i am amused

I got an e-mail today from a friend who read my blog and was going to comment there but then chose to send it in the e-mail. It spoke to me very deeply and I wanted to share it in case anyone else needed to hear the same words. Friend who wrote this you know who you are - thank you! You are a beautiful friend who said the right thing at the right time to encourage me and I am very touched:

"I know how you are feeling. My dad was cremated and his ashes were scattered in B.C. somewhere, so I don't have a headstone or anything to visit and have closure. It is tough to know that we will never see our fathers again, or have to travel far distances to feel somewhat close to them. Then I remember, I don't need a tombstone or a place to visit to remember my dad. I can remember him right here. In my head, in my home and in my heart. That would mean more to him than visiting some cemetary, or tree or river, or whatever. We can be angry at our families for keeping our fathers so far away, but in reality, they are closer to us now then they ever were. We think of them every day instead of once a week when we forgot to call, (or whatever, but you know what I mean). Afterall, the only relationship we have with God is in our heads and in our hearts, yet we can feel so close to him at times. I somewhat believe that my father can hear me when I talk to him too. That somehow God relays the messages to him. Maybe you believe that too. After all we are somewhat alike, so I know that you probably talk to your dad in your car when your driving home from work, or when you are getting ready for your day, all while crying for what you miss/ed. (I do it all the time) And praying for him, eventhough he is probably in a place where he doesn't need prayers anymore. I know how you feel today. I care and I hope you feel better. Don't let your step mom take the good away from you that you do have. I love you. "

I went to Parkwood today
it's where I go to think or write or take photos
incidentally I did all 3 today

I got to thinking about my dad
well more about my step mom actually

I am hurt by her

for more reasons that I will mention on here today but the one that is the most at the moment is that she burried my dad so far away from me and my brother.

Ok I know you may be thinking that they lived in the states so that is where she would burry him, close to herself.

But then she moved across the country
she had all of my dads things and never told us where she went but that is a whole seperate issue for another day.

It hit me today that for 1 I have never been to his grave and 2 now that she is no longer there there is no one there to visit his grave. I kinda felt like he had been reduced to a headstone ya know.

This may not seem like such a huge deal but it really bothered me.

oh I have no idea where I am trying to go with this

I went there to try to think about where I am going in life and what I want to do and stuff

ya ok

random thoughts I know

whatever

from my perspective...i am confused today